The Legend of Zelda: The Great Warrior
by The Lord Of The Words
Summary: Our nameless hero has begun his quest, aiding Link in saving Hyrule from Ganon's evil power. But, its not easy...Can he learn to protect himself from hordes of bizarre monsters quick enough? Can he get Link to actually talk? Big troubles ahead.
1. New Lands

The Legend of Zelda:

The Great Warrior

**Chapter 1: **New Lands

I awoke from my stupor with a head filled with strange visions. I tried to make sense of all this, but seeing as I just woke up, it just didn't happen. I heard a loud, somewhat irritating beeping in my ears, so I raised my head to try and discover the source. It was my alarm clock, going berserk and telling me it was four thirty-two, time to get off my lazy ass and… Oh man!

I threw back the covers and hurled myself right out of the bed, crashing to the ground in a disoriented heap. I staggered to my feet, my mind still sticky, but the one thought, the _only_ one that mattered at this point, was shining like a beacon in the darkness of my useless, empty brain. I was _so freaken late._

I pulled on my cloths and hunted around the disaster area that was my room, looking for the keys to my truck, cursing my horrible luck as I did so. I found them under an orange peel that was for some bizarre reason lying right in the middle of my floor. I wrestled my shoes onto my feet, then went flying to the back door and practically ran into it as I was trying to open it.

I got out to my truck, jumped behind the wheel, and slammed the key into the ignition. giving it a turn. I half expected the thing not to start but, as luck would have it, it sputtered to life and flew down the driveway as if it had been stung.

I got onto a small dark road and, paying absolutely zero attention to the speed limit sign reading thirty five, sped down it doing around seventy-five. I wasn't enjoying getting up this early and was yawning impulsively. In the course of a particularly big yawn, I realized I was coming up on something. Something big. I took the best look I could but was unable to properly register it. I'm guessing that if I had been able to see it properly, I wouldn't have able to identify it anyway.

It seemed to be a ring of bright blue fire, smack dab in the middle of the road. And in the center of the fire was some sort of rippling black water. Now, as one would expect, I didn't want to drive directly into whatever that thing was, so I put my lead foot on the brakes and turned the wheel to the left. Suffice to say it wasn't enough. I was going seventy-five as I said, so I began to skid and slid right into the thing. Oh…crap.  
I can't explain what happened next. I felt as if I were floating in a sea of pure light. And as if this wasn't disturbingly creepy enough, my stomach felt like it was moving from its proper place, my gut, and relocated itself into my throat.

All the while I was thinking to myself, Oh _this is too perfect. What in the hell did you do now, man? One minute we're running late and the next we're falling through a transdimensional rift from a tear in the space-time continuum. Wow…didn't see that coming._ I was so deeply absorbed with analyzing my somewhat usual predicament that it was a shock to me when I hit.

For the second time that day I had to practically pry my eyes open. I had more trouble this time around because I really didn't want to know what had just happened. Then something plausible and yet so simple occurred to me, which made me feel so much better. I was still asleep. That had to be it. No strange rift on the highway, no being late, no being sucked into a wormhole. Everything was hunky dory while safe in my bed. So now, with that taken care of and no worries, my eyes popped wide open and took in the sights. "Oh man, this ain't good."

I opened my eyes and I saw, grass? Not my chaotically dirty bedroom, complete with its funky smell. But sweet smelling grass. So, this tells me that my driving through some weird gateway wasn't really a dream after all. But I was driving on asphalt! No, this grass is not really here. I refuse to accept it. Then I feel the wind and hear some birds tweeting nearby. Then it hits me like a ton and a half of bricks. I'm dead. Or dreaming. Whatever. Regardless, to me it seemed that being late now was far less of an importance than it had been, so I banished those thoughts from my head. I stood, stretched and looked around.

I saw all sorts of different landscapes, dotting my field of vision. Mountains, rivers, large forests and a lot of grass. Very pretty. I turn in three hundred sixty degrees. No sign of my truck. Oh well, no big loss there. Anyway, I didn't see any people, but I did see evidence of some manner of higher intelligence. A road. Not a fancy one, made out of asphalt or even cobblestone, but more of a dirt path.

It traveled along a wood I was near, and then turned into it. It was covered with tall grasses but it was _still_ a road. And if there was a road, then people were not far away. I was pondering all this when a massive whoosh came from the nearby forest. A large number of birds came flooding out, squawking and shrieking. I had a pretty good idea what this meant, but I can't say it made me feel good. Those birds left those woods because something spooked them. Then I began hearing it. Footfalls. Rushing footfalls. And it was growing louder. Something was coming.

I stood there like a deer caught in headlights. I was fearfully wondering what should be done. Seeing as how I was new to this place perhaps I should hide. I mean, the average creature here may be as big as Godzilla. I didn't know. And that would be bad. Oh yes, very bad. So using my better judgment, I bolted to the tall grass on the side of the road and hid from view. I moved about so I could still see the happenings from my hiding spot but remain unobservable myself. For quite some time I saw nothing and heard the running sound growing louder.

Then before I could properly register it, a bright green flash came hurtling out of the woods, flew past me, and vanished. I raised my head to try and track whatever it was, when I heard another sound. The sound of _more_ footfalls as well as the snapping of branches. I popped back out of sight and watched. I saw four shadowy figures tramping out of the woods. And I screamed.

Okay, I didn't _actually_ scream, but it was a close call. I mean, when a person sees something that doesn't even belong in a nightmare, you would think he or she would normally scream. I didn't, because that would have undoubtedly been certain death. As I'm sure one would have gathered from my ranting, the four figures that came out of the forest were, well… monsters. There really was no other word to properly describe them.

They were dressed in strange black cloaks and a heavy looking black armor. And all over this armor were a bunch of skulls and symbols that were proclaiming the word "Evil" for the world to see. But their faces. They were all scaled as elevens on the Ugly-Meter. They had these bright red eyes, resembling burning embers, and huge tusks off their pig-like faces. But no pig in history had green scales instead of pinkish skin, covered with long greasy shaggy black and brown hair.

Now, they were at least a hundred feet away, but a horrific stink was still making its way to my nose. I mean, _this was rank!_ Could have choked a horse, had one been nearby. And to top this all off…you know the cherry on top? They were all _huge_; at _least_ seven feet tall, and they all had equally large and sharp looking weapons in their possession. Two had spears and the others were holding halberds.

Now as I was saying, they were marching out of the woods, looking this way and that, snorting like the mutated pigs things that they were. I had a bit of a hunch that they were hunting for whatever that green flash had been earlier. Good luck, thought I. That thing was moving faster than the speed of sound. They moved to the edge of the woods and stopped. For one hopeful moment I thought they would be unable to step into full sunlight with out perishing, kinda of like vampires.

No such luck. They hesitated but stepped beyond the threshold into the sun, obviously not enjoying it, their already grotesque faces contorting even more, squinting and the like. Their path was set, as they started down the road moving in a tight group. This made me somewhat uneasy, mainly because they were moving in my general direction. All of a sudden it felt as if my hiding spot wasn't really living up to its name. I was toast.

About thirty feet away they stopped and they all crouched down and started to inhale sharply through their noses. To me, it sounded as if they were going to hauck a loogie but I think they were actually sniffing and smelling. This provided me with a little insight. These ugly things tracked by using their pig noses, so they could keep up with that green blur.

Another thing that kinda bothered me was if they happened to pick up _my_ scent they may find me and feel somewhat obligated to introduce me to the business ends of their weapons. I felt this was quite a good time to perhaps do something rather wise like, _run like mad_. I stood slowly and started away. As I no doubt mentioned earlier, I have extremely bad luck, so it was no surprise to me when I felt a twig under my foot snap, sending the equivalent of a sonic boom right to those monsters ears. Uhhh…Oh.

All four of the creature looked round and jumped to their feet, staring at my spot. I felt as if they were looking right through me.

_Perhaps_, I thought to myself, _they didn't hear it and they will get back to their hunting, and ignore me._ As a further precaution, I tried to use my mind to will them to take a hike. Needless to say, that didn't work too well.

All at once, they were pounding towards me, screaming at the top of their lungs and whooping like a horde of cannibalistic barbarians.

_Well that's it,_ I thought to myself, _I'm boned. They are either going to stomp a mud hole right in the middle of me or horribly puncture me with those big sharp sticks. _However, after a moment, nothing happened. I felt no searing pain of any sort. My eyes cracked, my head rose, and I looked around and got a serious shock.

I saw them, but quite frankly, I didn't really believe it. All four of them had streaked past me and were now running full tilt towards a lone tree that stood maybe one hundred yards away. I mean, they passed me without a second glance. I got to my feet to watch them. I mean, what did I have to worry about now?

They were past me and were moving away a hell of lot faster than they had come. All four of them ran right around the one tree and stopped. They all looked around and started to sniff again. I quickly lowered myself to hide once more. But from my current position I couldn't see them, so I started to crawl forward to get a better view, curiosity overriding better judgment. What a surprise.

I assumed they had seen that green flash from earlier and went tearing after it. Now they seemed to lose track of it once again. At around one hundred feet I could see everything fairly well even though I was still hidden by the tall grass. I didn't dare move closer than this. All of them were hunkered down sniffing and moving this way and that.

All at once, they climbed to their feet and charged the trunk of the tree bellowing like trains, ramming their combined weight on to it. The whole tree shook and swayed. The four creatures backed off and waited. I watched as well, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, wondering if they had a bone to pick with that tree. Perhaps it owed them money. Then suddenly, a young guy in green hopped out of the tree.

He was clad in a green tunic and green hat, holding a large silver sword in his left hand and a multicolored shield in his right. Once he landed all four of the creatures let loose roars and charged him from all four sides.

Quick as a snake, he took a fantastic jump so he was at level with their heads, and he delivered a stout kick squarely on ones neck. As he was coming back down he twisted himself around and plunged his sword in to the chest of another. Those two went down.

The others dropped their weapons, turned back to the woods and took flight. Before they got fifty feet, the guy in green pointed his sword at them, and emitting a loud yell, an arc of lightning flew out of the tip of the sword and slammed into the back of one of the retreating monsters. It pitched over with a cry. Another loud yell and another arc of lightning burst forth and nailed the other one. Down they went.

I sat watching, utterly flabbergasted at this erratic and equally efficient incapacitation of those four hulking creatures, by this incredibly skilled swordsman. And even more inexplicable was the bodies. The moment they perished, they seemed to spontaneously combust in a weird blue fire, leaving little or no trace. Never before, not anywhere, had I seen a spectacle anything close to as fanatically crazy as to what I had just witnessed. And I doubted I ever would again.

And there was the green guy, squatting in the grass as if he had just got finished picking his teeth. Un-freaken-real man. Also, seeing as how those big smelly monsters were now ash, I felt much safer. I decided to reveal myself to the green guy, so I stood, and stepped out of the grass.

Well, that _certainly_ startled him. He let out a brief shout and sprang to his feet, pulling out his sword and shield, taking a defensive stance. For about two minutes we stood there watching each other, neither one of us moving nor speaking. Seeing as how I looked somewhat like him, he probably didn't see me as much of a threat, so as time passed his stance began to deteriorate.

But when I took one little step forward, he quickly brought his defenses back up again and studied me even more closely. I started toward him one step at a time, and soon closed the distance between us to no more than twenty-five feet or so. I was now close enough to get a pretty good look at him, but he seemed rather tense so any rash moves were out of the question.

He was actually a bit shorter than me maybe, five foot nine while I stood at six foot one. He was indeed wearing a green tunic and matching hat. He had a big brown belt with a large silver buckle. On his feet were two large leather boots with silver tassels. He himself had flowing blondish hair under his hat. He had a brilliant set of indigo eyes and even pointy ears like an elf. A sturdy pair of deep red gloves were over his hands. And yes, I got a _very_ good look at both sword and shield, seeing as how he was pointing them in my general direction.

The shield was large but not oversized, with a polished metal surface, and blue, red, and white designs all over it. Not the American Flag though. In the center were three golden triangles, two on the bottom, one on top, making a pyramid with a hole in it. The sword was a real thing of beauty. The hilt was a blue metal, which was painstakingly shaped with elegant designs. The blade itself seemed to shimmer with a bright pure light, which, I suppose in someway, explained why it had the ability for lightning to shoot forth and blast ones foes into tiny foe shaped bits, and to be incinerated by blue fire.

I moved my hands up into a gesture of peace because; this was the guy who almost effortlessly took out those four nasty creatures as easily as we trim our toenails. I said earlier that the absence of the monsters made me feel better. That was true up until now. Seeing as how this guy might run me through unless I could calm him down, I'm going to say I felt more secure with the monsters. So, to avoid being blasted into oblivion by his magic sword, I decided to say something.

"Hi" I waved and smiled but it felt as if my head was locked in a vice, which was slowly being tightened. And unless I did something to release the tension, my head was gonna blow like a watermelon with a couple sticks of dynamite strapped to it. And I do mean that literally. Seeing that my word of greeting didn't change the direction he was pointing his sword, I continued as friendly as humanly possible.

"Man those were some serious moves you just pulled on those guys. I mean you just leveled them! I'll bet you if I punched them as hard as I could, I'd break my hand. But you, man that was _so_ cool." I started jumping around swinging my mock sword in the same way he had done to try and put his apprehensiveness to rest.

It seemed to work. He was lowering his sword so it was no longer pointing directly in my face. Perhaps he thought I was just an idiot, and no longer deemed me a threat. Whatever the case, I stopped my frolicking and plopped down on to the grass and looked at the sky, listening to what he would do next. This also seemed to calm him down even more.

He shrugged and put his shield away but held on to his sword. He went back to what he was doing before, which was poking through the grass where the first two monsters fell. Apparently they dropped something that this guy wanted. As I watched, a shimmer in the grass to my right caught my eye. I slowly got to my feet, as to not spook the green guy, and casually strolled over to the shine. I bent over and scooped it up. After studying it for a second, my eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

What I had picked up from the body of one of those ugly monsters was a gemstone resembling an emerald. I won't say it was, but I won't say it wasn't either, as I'm no geologist, but it looked valuable. It wasn't huge, mayhaps the size of a quarter but a gem that size could be worth a boatload of money.

Whilst I was deep within my own calculations of my sudden claim to wealth, I suddenly felt eyes upon me. I looked round and saw the green dude sitting in the grass, staring intently at me. All at once, I felt rather low trying to claim the treasure this guy had worked so hard to obtain. Well okay, it wasn't _that_ hard for him, but still…it's the principle. So although it greatly pained me, I stood up and started over to where he sat.

I slowly made my way over to him, never taking my eyes off him, not even for a second. At this point he had put his sword back into a sheath that he had on his back, but he was also watching me, following my every movement as I advanced. I soon was standing right in front of him and I bent, offering him the jewel.

"I think that big ugly guy dropped this," I said "And I guess you want it, right?" His eyes never leaving mine, he extended his hand and with the snap of his fingers the little green gem vanished up his sleeve. I straighten, stuffed my hands into my pockets, and watched what he did next. He opened a little pouch that he had on his belt and dropped the green gem in to it. I heard it collide with something and I took a peak. The pouch was filled with a whole bunch of multicolored jewels. I saw sapphires, rubies, diamonds and more emeralds. This guy was seriously loaded.

I sat down next to him, contemplating what I should say or do next, when a tremendous roar split the silence down the middle. Three more of those creatures were stampeding right at us from out of the woods. Almost simultaneously, we jumped to our feet. The green guy once more pulled both shield and sword to the ready. I was standing there like a defenseless cow.

Then I spied a halberd in the grass, courtesy of one of the previous four beasts. I lunged for it and raised it up. I was a bit staggered by its surprising weight, however I adjusted my stance and my grip accordingly so I could use it comfortably. When I felt ready, I took a glance to my right. He was watching me. I gave him the grin of a maniac, let out a booming yell, and charged onto the field of battle.

All the while, my inner mind was screaming at me in a state of hysteria.

_Are you nuts? Those things are like freaken bulldozers and your blindingly charging them like a mad man. Run you idiot, RUN! _Only two things stopped me. One was, even though I knew the green guy could reduce these things to mere gunk under his boot, I wanted to take a crack at them. I guess seeing this level-headed and braver guy had inspired me. And far more importantly…it was _WAY_ too late to break off.

In an instant I was there, face to face with all three of these massive ugly pig things. Oh the horror! They were even uglier up close and their smell was enough to strip paint off a wall. Without stopping, I used my momentum to position my halberd for a wide arc swing. And swing I did, hoping to survive the encounter.

The result was the most unexpected thing I could have imagined. I figured that they would bat the halberd aside and proceed to mangle me with their own weapons. Instead, I took my swing gripping it by the haft so my swing had maximum length, roughly eight feet. The one in the lead never saw it coming. The blade went right through its midsection, and then kept on going. Normally, when an attack like this is preformed, one usually hits something that stops your weapon. Instead, it went right through, so the arc became more of a full circle causing me to loose my balance and fall.

Although I was somewhat dazed, I regained my feet and got a most unexpected but very welcoming shock. The two unhurt creatures were just standing there looking blank and somewhat clueless. One scratched its head in a way to suggest it was confused. The creature in the lead was looking at its wounded midsection with a look of surprise and something like stupidity. I would guess what was going through its head was along the lines of, "Oh well look at that. I'm dead." I suddenly realized something about these creatures. When they are coordinated they can be somewhat dangerous and noisy. But when startled, they are practically harmless, like a couple of cue tips. _Oh, what are the odds?!_

The leader had by this time collapsed to the ground and was being consumed by the blue fire. The other two, like me were watching this, dumbfounded. Soon the fire was gone with no trace of the monster. Retuning to the present and noticing the glazed look in their eyes, I decided to take them out. I let out another yell and lunged forward. They obviously had seen more than enough of me, because after dropping their weapons, they ran like terrified sheep.

Although they had been only a couple of feet away they still got ahead of me, what with their long legs, and were pulling out of range. Determined to get them, I wound up and launched the huge polearm. The blade missed entirely, but the wooden shaft still cracked one of them on the back of its skull and it went down. I knew I had killed it when the tell tale blue fire erupted from its form and consumed it. I had done it!

After my second kill, I watched the third one make good his escape. No question he was scared out of gourd. It was making a desperate beeline back to the protection of the woods, moving at a tremendous pace. I could have tried to catch it, but it was far beyond overtaking. As I was turning away, a quiet twang reached my ear and a blur of color flashed right in front of my nose. This was followed by a wailing cry.

I swept my head to the right and saw the green guy still poised. In his hand was a massive hunting bow, its string still quivering. Turning back to the woods, I had a hunch of what I would see. Yep, the running monster was running no more. It had an arrow imbedded in its head. The green guy had pulled off a major shot. The monster was maybe one hundred and twenty yards away. That's three hundred and sixty feet. What a shot!

It didn't take long for the last creature to burst into flames and be burned away. As for the green guy he was straightening out after his shot. He then placed his bow behind him, somewhere under his shield and seemed to hook it onto something. When his hand came back around, the bow was gone. I blinked several times, but I still couldn't find where that bow went. Weird. As I hunted for my weapon, I saw a blue sparkle in the grass and nabbed it. It was another gem, but blue this time. I clenched it in my hand and looked around.

The green dude, much to my surprise was slowly jogging in place. This really didn't make a whole lot of sense to me except maybe he was stretching after the fight. I tuned my attention back to my treasure and was studying it intently when, without warning, I was nearly toppled by a sudden blast of wind.

I regained my footing and looked at the sky. Only one or two puffy clouds. Odd. I looked around for the green guy, but was shocked to see he had vanished. A rustle behind, caused me to spin around fast and whom did I behold? Why, the green dude of course, now standing where his monster had fallen, poking in the grass. This was utterly perplexing until I put two and two together. The green blur earlier was him. When he wants to, he can move at unreal speed. Sweet.

I walk over to the green guy just as he was straightening from his search. It seemed that the monster he brought down didn't have a little gem on it like mine did. As I stood next to him, I extended my hand, the one with the sapphire or what have you, and was completely prepared to fork it over should he want it. However he looked at my hand, then at me, shook his head, and turned away. This surprised me somewhat, but then I think I understood. The first four monsters were all brought down by this guy so he got the reward. I took out two, one of which had the jewel, so I keep it. So it's kinda like finders keepers. Alright then.

As I finished my own intricate thoughts, I was suddenly aware that my fellow monster slayer was no longer nearby. I looked round and saw his green hat vanish behind a large hill farther along the road. I never even asked the guys name or even thanked him for helping a stranger like me out, so I started after him. However I stopped, went back, retrieved my halberd, and then dashed after him.

I ran as fast as I was able. If he decided to use his super speed though, I would never be able catch up with him, unless I happened to come across a high performance supersonic aircraft lying around somewhere. I picked up the pace even more and scaled the hill as quick as you please. Once on top, I looked around. No sign of him.

While on the summit, I studied the lay of the land and took note. This was the first I could see the entire expanse of wherever I was. It kinda reminded me that I wasn't really on my block anymore, what with monsters and superfast green swordsmen running around. That and the landscape. Needless to say I was stupefied. Never before had I seen such a divine and unique stretch of scenery in such a small area. From my perch, I counted almost half a dozen different kinds of natural settings.

I saw massive forests stretching as far as the eye could see, mountains that seemed to disappear into the sky, water perhaps as big as an ocean, swamp lands, great canyons and beyond that, deserts. National Geographic's…eat your heart out. Almost every kind of terrain imaginable and all within sight of one another. And also within my sight range, was right at the base of the hill. A town.

It didn't appear too large, maybe twenty to twenty-two buildings, some larger than others. Most had chimneys with little trails of smoke curling from them. How quaint. I thought back to resent events. The green dude went over this hill, that's true. But did he go to this town? I looked around. Nothing but wilderness terrain surrounded me. That town was definitely the friendliest looking of all the other places he could have gone. I put my money on the town. Besides, I may get an answer or two there. Towns mean people, and at this point, I wouldn't mind talking to someone to get the basic laydown. I started down the hill.

One would think this is easy as pie but its not. Unless you want to go head over heels, you have to walk slowly and very carefully. For this hill was far steeper on this side and rather slippery to boot. Steep hills, I've learned are not fun, in either going up or down. I moved one step at a time using my halberd as a walking stick to maintain balance. I tell you, whoever said going down hill was easier than going up, must have not given it his full consideration. At long last, and only slipping three times...I had arrived.


	2. Town

Chapter 2: Town

My first reaction to entering this town was, "My god, I've landed in Amish territory!" When I had said that this place was quaint, I had no idea. There were no street lights, no signs, no manhole covers, not even a lousy payphone. What a jip. But at least it was easy on the eyes. The whole place was adorned with brightly colored flowers, beds and gardens full of them, as well as many trees, giving the town a lush vital look to it. There was a charming little cobblestone road, that was winding throughout the whole town, through streets here, and bisecting there.

The buildings themselves were wood and stone, but very well made, crafted to perfection, none of them showing any signs of wear and tear, such as peeling paint, rust stains, erosion, or even missing roof tiles_. I guess their keeping up with their building codes._ And what else should I see, walking down the cobblestone paths, but people! Lo and behold, there were people!

Two things that I at once noticed were strange and perhaps a bit out of place, were first, their clothes. The style of which were quite unusual. It actually reminded me of old colonial type clothes, women with long dresses, and guys with homespun shirts and pants, the stitching standing out. Only thing was, these clothes were not the typical drab brown, grey, or white …but were fancy wild colors, hot pinks, bright yellows, shimmering greens, fiery reds…they looked poor and rich at the same time. Second of all, I noticed that each and every person there had slender pointed ears, like an elf.

_Okay_, thought I, coming to the only conclusion that made sense to me, _I'm in an Elven Amish community. Oh well, as long as they can talk, then maybe I'll be able to find out where the hell I am._

I was keeping a low profile at this point, hiding carefully; I didn't boldly walk into the town, as I was unsure of its inhabitance. I was creeping along between buildings, slipping behind trees, and ducking into patches of grass. Seeing the people, and feeling much more at ease, I figured I could step out into the open without freaking everyone out.

Approaching my position, which was in a bed of flowers, was a girl, a very pretty girl, perhaps sixteen years old, with dark lavender hair of all things, and bright hazel eyes. Figuring that this would be a good enough time to establish contact, I stood, climbed out of the flowers I was hunkered in, brushing grass trimmings and petals away. She saw me rise, and at once froze, staring at me with wide rabbit eyes. I threw my imposing weapon over my shoulder, in a casual sort of way, lifted my free hand, and called out, "How's it going?"

This completely innocent friendly greeting and gesture provoked the most unlikely and perhaps most negative of responses. Usually, when someone says "Hi" or a variation of it, someone else is suppose to call "Hi" back. Either "Hi" or "How do you do?" or even "Who are you". Even that would have been more welcoming that what I got. She stared at me, silently for three seconds tops, absolutely motionless, before she began shrieking at the top of her voice. Now, it was my turn to freeze, and at once thought, _Ohhhh boy, this is bad._

The terrified girl whirled around, and began running in the opposite direction she had come, dropping what looked like a basket. While I was surprised, I guess I really shouldn't have been. I mean, when I thought about it, I had just sprung out of the grass, someone she had never seen before, wearing weird clothes compared to their weird clothes, and was holding a rather nasty looking weapon. How else was she supposed to react?

Well, with that first impression ruined, and after breaking out of my dazed shock, I figured I might as well wander around in the open, and see if I could find someone who wouldn't scream bloody murder when they saw me. I more or less went in the same direction the girl had ran in, which took me to what looked like a town square, with a little water fountain, a wide open place, with several more trees lining the sides.

As I moved, there were numerous people around, all of whom were watching me with wide eyes. None of them approached and those that were in my path darted to one side, several of them hiding. All of this was kinda strange.

_Am I really that scary to look at,_ I asked myself. _I look human, if that's what these people are, so what's the deal? They're looking at me like I'm gonna blow up or something._ Knowing that just walking around speculating as to why I wasn't being given the vibe that I was welcome, wasn't going to get me any answers, I resolved to try and talk to the masses that were all but cowering at my presence.

"Excuse me," I called out, my gaze going in a three hundred-sixty degrees turn, "but I was just wondering if…uh, well, if someone could tell me where I am…I'm a bit…lost, so to speak." There was no answer, all the people, quite a few actually, three dozen or more, were merely standing there with their wide eyes. I waited for a minute almost, my question still hanging in the air. Eventually, I figured I would need to ask again, but with a little more emphasis.

"Look," I addressed the frightened crowd once again, "I get the feeling that you people don't like me very much. And that's fine…I guess. But I'm just looking to find out where I am. Okay? I'm not here to scare you, or whatever it is you think I'm here for. So, I'm asking you…can someone _please_ tell me where the hell I am?" I actually got a reaction this time. But in accordance with all my luck thus far in life, it wasn't a good one.

Everyone began to run, not necessarily screaming, though some were, but they all took off, running to their homes, and dashing inside. I could only stand there, at a loss. _My my,_ I thought, glancing around,_ welcomes don't come any warmer that that. _I couldn't tell if these people were just _that_ afraid of me, or were they wimps? I mean, seriously, several of the guys in that crowd were unnaturally huge; dwarfing me by a good foot or something. Brawny, hairy, lumberjack type guys. Go figure.

After that little response, I was now standing all by my lonesome. I got the feeling I was still being watched, and sure enough, I could see several pairs of terrified eyes peeping out at me from the houses. Fine. They didn't want to talk to me, I could take a hint. So, I was off again, in search of more people. Without anyone around, I was able to direct my attention directly to the town itself, layout and such. In the midst of my searching, I got to examine several structures more closely. For example, from my previous lofty perch, staring down at the down from above, it hadn't seemed all the big.

Now though, standing in what appeared to be its center, it seemed to have expanded right before my eyes. I took a closer look at the fountain, atop which was a statue, of some guy, probably someone of importance riding a horse. The fountain itself was spitting out clear water, splashing into the basin around the base. Near the rear of the town, or what I could only assume was the rear, was a massive windmill, gently rotating in it's oh so familiar motion of going around and around. I noted several of the largest buildings had signs on them, several of which I could associate with. One had a big cup, or a…flagon, I guess one would call it, while another had a bed. Tavern and inn, I supposed. This meant, as they were places of business, there had to be people running said establishments.

Before I could approach though, I finally found what I was looking for. Across the street from the tavern or what-have-you, a smallish house, a cottage I guess one might call it, caught my eye, as I saw some movement. The outside seemed plain, nothing too noteworthy, but it was movement that got me to look round. The front door was opening, and emerging from it was someone…well hell, the _only_ person I was familiar with.

It was the green guy, talking with someone else behind him. I craned my neck, and saw it to be an old man, wearing wildly colorful clothes. He was garbed in a bright yellow shirt, violet puffy pants, and dashing red cap. Spilling out from under this hat, was a crop of slowly graying black hair, as well as having a long white beard dangling off his chin. He had a simple wooden stick in hand, and looked to be escorting the green guy out.

Eventually, they turned their eyes forward, and landed upon me. I was still all by myself, staring back at them. There was a tense moment of silence, wondering if I should try and talk, but before I could, the old man nudged the green guy, and beckoned him down, as the old fellow was rather short. The green dude leaned down, bringing one of his pointy ears to the old man, and listened. This whispering went on for quite some time, but at last, the old man gave a wave. At me, of all people.

"Hullo there," he called, "Might I have a word with you?" I naturally did the stupid thing, and glanced around, here and there. I was completely by myself, so I made a complete ass of myself. Seeing as someone in this weird ass town actually wanted to talk with me, instead of dashing away in a frenzied panic, I started walking, approaching the old man and the green guy. I had a suspicion that I was still being watched by the town's folk, through their respective window and doors.

As I came to a stop, I gave nod to the green dude, and casually asked, "Wassup?" He only stared back at me, his head tilting to the side. The old man cleared his throat, and began speaking.

"Ahem, yes, well I must say, you _do_ look strange. Tell us, who exactly are you? You do not dress like anyone I've ever seen." A reasonable enough question I guessed.

"Well, I'm..." Before I said my name, I realized that since I hated my own name so much, I could maybe make a little lie, and give myself a really cool name. What that might have been, I hadn't thought of, so I had to give me some time. "Actually, I really don't remember my name for some reason. Everything else is okay, but with that I'm drawing a blank. Maybe I'll remember later. And yeah, I'm not from…around here. In fact, I don't even know where _here_ is. I've never been to a place with giant monsters, or people with pointy ears. Kinda new for me."

"I see. I must ask though, are you aligned with Ganon? As you do carry such a daunting weapon, straight out of the hands of a Moblin." I didn't get roughly half of that, but I got the part about me carrying around a huge nasty looking thing like that halberd.

"Well, I…sorta found this, but uh…I don't really know anyone by that…name, whatever it was again, and I'm not really allied with anyone. I just want to know, where the hell I am, and how I got here. That's all."

"Hmm, your request is a strange one. You mean to say that you are not even aware of where you stand?"

"Yeah, that's about right." The old man scratched his beard.

"Interesting. Well, seeing as Link has already told me that you have defeated several Moblin's, and since you don't seem to have a sinister presence, I believe I may be able to help you understand a few things. Please, come in." He drew back, and motioned me inside.

"One sec," I told him, then jerked my thumb at the green dude, "What did you call him? Link, is that his name?"

"Yes, that's right." I looked him over a second time around. A name to go with an appearance.

"What's up?" I asked, but he only gave me the raised eyebrow sign, meaning…_ooooookay._ So, with that, I stepped inside, and took a quick look round. The inside of the cottage was pretty rustic, most everything was made from wood, standard table and chairs, a regular sized bed, some pictures and a bowl of fruit. The old man sat, and gestured for me to do the same. I sat.

"Well, what say we answer a few questions? And just in case you are wondering, my name is Sahasrahla, and I am the elder in Kakiriko Village. If there is anything to know, chances are, I will know it."

That, to me, was something rather welcoming to hear.


	3. Welcome to Hyrule

**Chapter 3:** Welcome to Hyrule

"Alight," said I, taking a chair inside the old man's house, "I guess it would be best to start with the most basic of things. Where exactly am I? See, I'm not…uh…I don't…exactly; you know…hail from this land. I guess. Where I'm from, the world is quite a bit different. For one thing, there aren't any monsters running around, or super powerful guys dressed green like Link over there. Except maybe Green Berets…but they can't shoot lightning or whatever."

"Hmm, I must admit that I am somewhat baffled by what you say…You come from…somewhere else? Where is that? And how did you get _here_ then?"

"That's the thing, I'm not really sure _how_ actually. I was driving along, and saw this weird…thing…portal thing in the road, and I…well, I tried stopping, but I skidded into it. After that, I'm not too sure. I think I got knocked out when I went through, cause when I woke up, I was here. I don't really know what to think. At first I thought I was either dead or dreaming. In fact, by all rights, I may be dreaming this right now. There's no real way to tell."

"Well, while that may be true, I am fairly certain that all of us are real enough. I'm afraid I can't speak of how you came to be here, but it seems you are here now, so, I will answer what I can, as best as I am able."  
"I appreciate that," I thanked him. "Alright, first question again…where exactly am I?" The old man, Sasha-something or another, pointed out the window. "This is Kakiriko Town, one of the few refuges for the people left in the land."

"And what land would that be exactly?"

"The kingdom of Hyrule, known by many who dwell here as the Golden Land. It is where we Hylian people have dwelled for many centuries, enjoying the peace and prosperity."

"Hyrule," I echoed. I wasn't a major in geography, nor was I any good in the subject, but I knew that wasn't a name I had heard of before. _So, I'm way off the map here._ "I can't say I've heard of the place, but alright…that answers that. I'm in Hyrule, wherever that is. Now, the question is, exactly _how_ did I get here? I wasn't aware of there being a…well, I don't know, alternate world or something."

"That I can't answer. Though you did say something about a portal that you fell through, and finding yourself here?" I nodded.

"Right. It was this big hole thing in the road, and I sorta drove into it, even though I tried to swerve. And I woke up here. Why? Have any experience with magical dimension altering portals?"

"No, but such sorcery does sound like something that Ganon is capable of. What are your thoughts Link?" The green guy was still there, but so far hadn't said a word. He was leaning just inside the door, with an almost bored expression, staring straight ahead. When asked this question he looked to be thinking deeply, tapping his boots. Ultimately, he shrugged, not being certain one way or the other. The old man must have seen this inconclusive gesture as an answer.

"Hmm, while it _could_ be a random coincidence, I would hazard a guess that Ganon is indeed behind this."

"And…who would this Ganon be exactly? From the way you're talking about him, I get the feeling you aren't best buds."

"Ganon, or Ganondorf was once a thief, the boss of a large band of criminals and bandits deep in the western desert. He came to Hyrule in search of the Golden Power, and unfortunately, he managed to lay his hands upon it. Now, our world is in turmoil; monsters running rampant, the people of the land cowering in their villages, and even the princess has gone into hiding. There is talk that she may have been captured by Ganon. This is a dark time indeed."

"Jeez," I whistled, "This Ganon sounds like a real dick. Uh, one thing though…what is the "Golden Power". The thing he got his hands on?" The old man pointed to a drawing on the wall. It depicted three gorgeous babes, dressed in gowns, each holding a large golden triangle. They were stacked, two on the bottom, and one poised on the top tips of the other two, making a triangle hole in the middle.

"That is the Golden Power. The Triforce, a symbol of the gods. It has the power to grant the wishes of any who touches it. It resided in a guarded sanctuary within a realm of magic, but using his vile powers; Ganon had breached that holy place, and was able to take hold of one of the three parts of the Triforce."

"Only one? Why couldn't he just nab the whole thing while he was in there?"

"He tried, but the Triforce has a power of its own. If the one who touches the Triforce isn't balanced with the three spirits, Power, Courage, and Wisdom, then the Triforce will separate, and each piece will go to the one that best represents it. There are three chosen ones in the land of Hyrule, ones that had been picked by the Triforce, and it is with these special ones, that the hopes of everyone are laid. Ganon only succeeded in obtaining the Triforce of Power. The other two, we know not where they have gone. We suspect that Ganon even now searches for the other two holders."

"I see. But that gives me a theory. Maybe when this Ganon jerk got his mitts on this Triforce, and was given a big booster shot of power, maybe he somehow, someway, opened a gateway to my world, and I got sucked in. Could that be possible?"

"I suppose it might. It may very well have been something that merely happened, Ganon not having an active role in it. Or he may have done it purposely; using his magic's to attempt to spread his evil across other worlds. Such dastardly plans are certainly things that he would have in mind. If that is the case, then he _must_ be stopped."

"Well, this sounds all pretty weird to me. And from what I'm hearing, the only possible way to get back is to either find my own way back, which ain't very good odds I'm betting, or talk with this Ganon guy…also not good chances. But then, you said the Triforce thing grants wishes right?"  
"Yes, that is right. The current holder of the Triforce can have their inner most wish fulfilled. For Ganon, with the Triforce of Power, it was to ascend beyond a thief to become a powerful sorcerer, and rule the land of Hyrule." The way things were sounding to me, the situation was steadily growing darker and all the more bleak.

"So, I'd need to pry his fingers off the thing, then find the other pieces to use it? Well, that sure as hell ain't happening. You were saying that this guy has monsters, and wields magic? The thought of trying to take him down is as ridiculous as running into the path of an oncoming train. Sounds to me like I'm screwed here. Great."

"Hope is not yet lost however, as while he is powerful; Ganon isn't completely undefeatable, even with the Triforce of Power." I raised an eyebrow. "And how is that? You made it sound like this guy was invincible, but now you're saying that he isn't so tough and can be beaten down! Which is it?"

"Yes, it is true that neither I nor any others in the land are not strong enough to face him. But Link…he is our only hope. He has the one thing that can stop Ganon, and restore peace to the lands." I glanced over at Link, who was still rather passive looking.

"Him?" I questioned. "You mean he's the only one going against this Ganon guy? All by himself?"

"That's correct."

"Huh," said I, nodding my head, "So, it's the old one man against impossible odds scenario. And what's he got that's gonna help him win? I mean, I after what I saw, I sure ain't doubting him, what with his super speed, shooting lightning, and begin able to kick some serious monster butt. If anyone was going to try the whole one man army thing, I'd pick him too, but what makes him special? I mean, I'm sure some other people around here could do that to. If they weren't too busy hiding."

"The sacred blade, the ancient artifact that has the power to vanquish evil, and to strike down those with wicked hearts. The Master Sword." Of course, it _had_ to be the sword. I had gotten a very good look at it before. It was seriously sweet, that much was clear, and even when he had been holding it, it had seemed to shine with an inner radiance.

"The Master Sword…neat name. So, that sword is what's gonna beat Ganon? Is it really that cool?"

"This blade has lain dormant for many years, waiting for the time when it would need to revive. In order to use the sword, it must first find the bearer, the one chosen by destiny that is meant to wield it. Only that person may use the swords divine powers to smite evil. Link had found the necessary stones to remove the Master Sword, and has been fighting a continuous battle against Ganon's hordes, to work his way closer to the villain himself. No one else is capable of fighting these foes. All we can do is wait and pray. Only the Master Sword can defeat them."

"Hold up dude," I interjected, and pointed over to where the monster's halberd was leaning, "That's not true! I mean, I took down two of them myself, so they can't be that tough. I bet if all of you people rounded together, you could revolt or something. Some of those guys outside were like three times my size. I bet they could steamroll some of those creatures, no problem. As long as they grew a little back bone. They were afraid of me, and ran off. Which to me, is crazy. I'm not that big and scary, and I wasn't being threatening. Even if I did beat those two monsters."

"That's an interesting point you make," the old man commented, combing a hand through his beard. "Link has told me how you were able to defeat two Moblins. Which is curious…As far as we know, no one has ever stood up to Ganon's horde, save Link, and lived to speak of it. Tell me, how did you manage to do it?" This seemed like a pretty ridiculous question to me. That's like asking, why doesn't a tree move when a lumberjack is going to chop it down?

"Well, it wasn't _too_ hard. I mean, when I first saw them, sure yeah…I was close to freaking out. Mainly because I had never seen a monster up close before. Actually, up until that point, I had never seen a monster period. And they were loud and intimidating. I don't know why I did it, but I resolved to fight the second wave, after Link had wiped out the first. So, I picked up the halberd, and took a swing. And that's all. In fact, it was almost preposterously easy at how effortlessly that thing went down. It didn't even try to block or get out of the way. It practically ran into it. Even more, when the first died, the other two looked like sheep, as clueless as a couple of rocks. And only when I made a loud noise, is when they turned and high tailed it out of there. The second one I only hit with the shaft of the halberd, and not even that hard. Basically, to use a frequently overused expression from where I'm from, those things are really all bark and no bite."

"You say _easy_," the old man asked, stunned to say the least, "Toppling those creatures was…easy? Then you must be a warrior of great ability to dispatch them so simply. And you had the courage and fortitude to stand against horrendous monstrosities like that? Truly, you are blessed with a great gift."

This talk of being a so called "great warrior" was really making me feel a bit embarrassed. Great warrior? Hardly. A lucky one maybe, but not much more. I was just some poor schmuck that was trapped in some alternate world, chock full of monsters, evil wizards, magical wish granting chunks of gold, and green guys using evil killing swords. A far cry from my normal day, that is for certain.

Before I had a chance to interject, that while flattered, I hardly could be called anything of the sort, the old man seemed to change. His eyes began to glow, as he stared at me, as if in the grips of an angelic vision or some such thing. An idea by the looks was falling into place in his mind, and I had a sneaking suspicious from his gradually growing expression of joy, that it wasn't good for me.

"Perhaps," he mused, "That you are sent here to help! For if you truly are as mighty as you say, than you could provide a much needed service to the land." I tried to get a word in otherwise, but there was no stopping him now. "You could aid Link, you could fight Ganon, and the two of you could save Hyrule, and reclaim the Triforce in the name of all that is good!" I was mentally slapping my face on the inside, trying to get control of my thoughts. _This…is not good._


	4. Off to Save the World!

**Chapter 4:** Off To Save the World!

"Hold up for a second! Could you…run that by me again? You sounded like you said you want _me_…to fight this Ganon? Are you nuts, that's crazy? I don't know anything about fighting! I've never gotten into a fight in my entire life! What use could I be? I'm not even that brave!"

All this panicked talk spilled from my lips, I being seconds away from suffering from an extreme stroke of shock. The thought of facing down more monsters, not too dangerous though they may have been, and trying to defeat some evil wizard guy with magical powers didn't really strike me as a smart idea. For Link, sure, no problem, cause he had that Master Sword. That and he probably had some training in his lifetime on how to fight.

I on the other hand…did not. The only fighting I knew how to do really was to throw a punch. And even then, I didn't do that all that often.

"Come now," Sahasrahla, the old man tried to reason gently, "I know it is indeed quite a mess to leave to someone, but our hope is dwindling. Link is only able to defeat so many of these creatures, before more rise to take their place. While he is strong, Link, like Ganon himself, is not undefeatable. And many of the beasts guarding the dungeons that he must travel to may be too great for one alone to defeat. Not to mention their endless supply of minions. I fear that if this keeps up, even he will lose this fight, and Hyrule will be swallowed up by the darkness, that even now threatens to engulf us!"

"I understand your situation," I answered, "Trust me, I get it. Your lives are hanging in the balance here; this Ganon is putting your very way of life at risk. It ain't cool, believe me. But look. This isn't _my_ home, and not _my_ fight. It's not like I don't want to help, but I have my own problems to deal with right now. Like trying to find a way back to my world. Also, you are knocking my so-called skills _way _out of proportion. I may have killed those two…things, but that really means nothing. I'm not really that tough, let alone some _great warrior_! I'm not even a regular warrior! I'm a civilian! I wouldn't even know what to do on the battlefield! I'd probably freeze up, and get eaten." Despite these aggressive and fearful protests, the old man refused to give in. He was a stubborn one all right.

"And I think, that you do not give yourself enough credit. You are stronger than you realize. Even now, as you sit here, I sense it within you. The potential to become a legendary hero. I sympathize with your plight, I certainly do. You are stranded in a place that is far from your home, you know no one, and are suddenly thrust into a set of negative circumstances that you would never have to face. Truly, fate has set you down in the middle of a great clash of good against evil. But I wish you would perhaps reconsider. From what I have heard, that your best way to return to wherever it is you are from is to make a wish on the Triforce. And only by defeating Ganon can this be done."

"Well, yeah, but that's only part of it. Cause you said he only had one of the pieces. So, even _if_ I beat him, I'd still be short two pieces. Kinda defeats the whole purpose, don't you think?"

"Not necessarily. If I can remember the ancient lore correctly, during this whole catastrophe, the three pieces of the Triforce are said to come together, the three destined to hold them will unite. If that happens, then you could indeed make your wish to return."

"Maybe, but you know, there is an awful lot of _ifs_ in there. _If_ I do this, _if_ that happens. You're not sure of _any_ of this for certain. For all you know, it could be utter nonsense. And I meanwhile might get fried by Ganon the moment I see him. Then, I'm dead, all for a myth, and that's that. Sorry about worrying about my self-preservation, but I don't really feel like dying today, thank you very much."

"Well, of course. To fight such an evil is not without a massive risk. There is a chance that none of us might survive. But what alternative is there for you? Ask for Ganon's help? He would most likely kill you for merely speaking to him. Journey across Hyrule for another gateway to send you home? That could take years! And it too would not be without its perils and possibilities of death. From where I stand, it seems that returning to you own home is going to be a trial no matter which path you choose. The other alternatives may also leave you with nothing, all that time wasted on foolish pursuits. At least with this, you have the possibility of returning to your world."

"Yes, yes that _is_ true, but I think your overlooking, or just plain forgetting a certain factor that is near impossible to ignore, that might put a little snag on your plan. _I don't know how to fight_! I can't make it any clearer than that! And I have no idea why you seem to think that I can! That's crazy!"  
"Come now, were you not able to slay the Moblins? How else could you do it if it was not skill?"

"An accident! A fluke! A misstep on my part! I don't really know, but I _do know_ that I'm not a fighter. I'm just an ordinary guy that is being dragged through this scenario rather unfairly by the hair! I didn't ask to come here, nor an opportunity to save your land. I was just going to work when this happened! While the thought of going on an epic quest or whatever sounds cool and all, this isn't something I'd like to involve myself in. I'm not a major player of the whole save the world from certain doom situation."

I felt like I was arguing with a brick wall, like the old man wasn't even hearing me. Like he just continued talking, regardless of what I had to say. But I got the feeling that this latest refusal got through at last.

"I…see," his face fell, and he sank even deeper into the chair. It was then that I knew that he was attempting to use one of the oldest, and perhaps the second most powerful technique of persuasion. The old guilt trip. And it was working. I at once felt bad, like these people were relying on me, and I was leaving them in a lurch. I knew this to be ridiculous, as I didn't know them, nor were their problems my problems, but it still bothered me. So, I felt I needed to clear the air a little bit of the aggression that was even now hovering above over my last words.

"Look, I would love to help out, but think about it! I'm not any good at this stuff. I've never done anything like this before. I've never been in fights, I don't face down monsters on a daily basis, and I'm not even sure what you would want me to do? How are two people instead of one going to make that much of a difference? What am I supposed to do? Share the Master Sword with Link over there? I kill a monster, then throw the sword over to him so he can get the next one? That's nuts! You said that there is only one evil-slaying sword, and he has it. What would I use then? A stick or a rock? Without some means of destroying them, I'm no good to anyone in combat."

Just as I knew it would, the old man was waiting for me to try and apologize my way out of things by hurling excuses his way. It was all part of his insidious plan to rope me into this, and naturally, I stupidly obliged.

"That is true, but you were already able to destroy two Moblins. And with their own weapon no less. This has to mean something. Perhaps in order to aid us, you have been granted with a similar power as the Master Sword. It might very well be possible."

"Yeah, and it also might be possible for it to be a bizarre coincidence. That or a stupid stroke of luck. Besides, even with that power, I don't know how to use it! It is this simple undeniable fact that makes everything else rather pointless. How many times must I say it!"

The old man studied me for a moment, then closed his eyes, his head lowering. He didn't seem sad or dejected, but rather…thinking.

Then, in a quiet voice, he said, "Link…attack him." At once, there was a sound of motion behind me, and I dove from my chair, just a hair ahead of the shimmering descending blade of the Master Sword. My chair was not quite so fortunate, and was splintered into tiny little pieces. As quick as I could, I regained my footing, just as Link was pulling his sword free from where my ass had been sitting a moment ago.

"Jesus," I yelled, my eyes growing large, "What the hell man? Why are you getting him to try and kill me?" The old man didn't answer. In fact, he didn't even move. Link however, came circling in, shield out now, crouched in a stance. I was on one side of the room, my halberd weapon on the other. I didn't know what was up; if I had pissed them off by continually refusing to help, but right then, all I needed to really do was stay alive. And to do that, I would need a weapon.

The only thing I could find was a simple metal tea tray. With it in hand, I faced Link. I wasn't too confident about trying to beat him, but at this point, I had to try. Or at least hold him off. I watched him closely, keeping an eye on his legs muscles. They were tense, and poised. I waited. Then, I saw them tighten, I jumped to the side, just as he leaped forward, sword ready to pierce right through me. I rolled away, and lacking something better to do, got up, and hurled the tray at his head like a Frisbee. He didn't even seem surprised that he missed me, and merely batted the incoming projectile away. Unarmed, I made a mad dash for my weapon.

I got to it and turned, just in the nick of time to keep my head in one piece. His sword didn't split the heavy pole, but stuck. Using that, I pushed hard, trying to throw him off balance. To counteract this, he let go of the sword, and tried to pop me in the face with his shield. I ducked it, and while his sword was still imbedded, I took a swipe at him with the blade. He danced just out of its range, but managed to snag his sword as it passed, and pulled it free. Once more, we took our stances, waiting and watching our opponent carefully.

And in the midst of this whirlwind of violence, the old man just sat there, eyes still closed, and his head still down, but with a slight smile on his mouth. A knowing and shrewd smile, most definitely.

Eventually, just about the time I was fixing to launch another offensive, he called out, "Enough." As if a light switch had been flicked, Link casually twirled his sword back into his sheath, and slid his shield back on his back, once more resuming his nonchalant passive manner, returning to his place of leaning against the wall. I meanwhile was at a loss.

_"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"_ I screamed, thoroughly pissed off, and seriously riled up now, "I mean…damn, what's up with that? You trying to force my cooperation or spill my guts everywhere?" The old man chuckle, and pushed up from the chair. "Sorry for the violent means, but I acted on a hunch of mine. Tell me, how are you still standing?" That, it seemed to me, was a rather dumb question

"What's that mean? How do you think, you sick demented little man? I moved, that's how, else Link over there would have given me a _really_ short haircut!"

"Yes I know. But _how _did you know to move? And what made you fight back?" No doubt that this questionnaire was getting stupider all the time.

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe cause…_I don't want to die!_ You know, where I'm from, it's considered bad manners to invite someone into your house, then try to kill them! Goddamn!"

"The point is though…you fought back. I seem to remember you saying that you didn't know how to fight. You see…you _can _fight. You just didn't know it." At that, I shut my trap. It was true after all, and I would be the crazy one to deny it. When my life was in danger, I reacted to survive. If I had to fight, then I fought. But still…

"Alright," I admitted, "I may have defended myself, but it's…well…different when ones out there…you know…fighting...um…monsters." It was all too painfully obvious that I had nothing. I was floundering more than a beached fish. So I made an attempt at a recovery. "Okay, I have a _little_ talent, in the most extreme of circumstances. So what? Doesn't everyone? What did that just prove?"

"It proves that you do have what it takes to aid us. Think about it…you could fight, and help Link defeat Ganon. If you help us…we _will_ help you in return. We do not ask for you help just for our soul benefit. We would like nothing better than to help a stranger in need. But before we can do anything, Ganon _must_ be stopped." I was about to protest further, when there came a slight tapping at the door, causing us to look round.

Link, who by this time had retaken his laidback position by the door, opened it. Standing just outside was someone else I recognized. The pretty purple haired girl that I had almost sent into a panic attack by popping out of the bushes. She was looking frightened, peeping past Link. At me mostly, as I meanwhile, was still standing with my weapon, even now fearful for my life. The old man squinted her way, before giving a scolding but good-natured smile.

"Arlia, what brings you here? We're in the middle of something very important." The girl looked all the more fearful, edging inside, all but hugging the wall.

"Forgive me Elder," she apologized, "But we all heard raised voices here, and we were worried about your safety. What with the…" she glanced over at me, mistrust in her eyes, and she knowingly emphasized her next word, "_stranger._" At that, my own eyes rolled, while the old man laughed yet again.

"Come now, Arlia, that is no way to speak to a guest. This young man is rather special you know. Why, just a little while ago, Link told me that he beat two Moblin's, and even stole their weapon. Pretty impressive, don't you think?" At this, there was a drastic change in the girl's expression. She now looked at me with unmistakable awe and surprise.

"Is…is he here to…to help?" He tone was soft, full of encouragement and hope. The old man glanced back at me.

"I'm afraid that is up to him. I've been trying, but so far he isn't sure he can." Inside, I groaned. I knew what was about to come. And just as much as I was dreading it, it came all the same. For a moment, she stared at me, her eyes clearly filling up with tears. Then, without warning, she dashed over to where I stood, and in a startling and somewhat unforeseeable move, she clasped both her hands in front of her, and deeply bowed in front of me. I was kind of put on the spot. When she rose up, she looked seconds away from exploding from sorrow.

"Please," she pleaded, "You must help us! Please! Ganon has caused so much suffering! So many people have gotten hurt because of him! If you can help Link, then I beg of you…please help him! Help us!" Her shrill cries echoed throughout the house. I tried my best, but I could not fight it any longer. I sighed, putting aside my weapon, and I sat down. Rather heavily I may add. I could do nothing but close my eyes, and let my face fall into my hands, shaking my head, all the while cursing my foul and most predictable run of bad luck that seemed to hang overhead like a foreboding storm cloud that _never_ dissipates.

With this girl's plea, they were now using the most powerful of all methods of persuasion. The sad and beseeching woman routine. It's enough to melt anyone's heart; to see a beautiful woman sobbing her eyes out, all but begging for help. One is powerless to resist it. I knew there was only one thing I could do. And I didn't want too. I mean, I _really_ didn't want to.

"Okay, okay!" I moaned through my fingers, not looking up, "Stop the begging, stop the waterworks, just stop all of it! I'll do it, _okay_? I'll fight Ganon!" With this, there was no turning back. _Great,_ thought I. _Nice job dummy. Now we have to go save the world. Won't this be fun?_


	5. Equipment to Match

**Chapter 5:** Equipment to Match

"Okay, hold the phone people," I announced this loudly enough so that everyone present in the room, save myself paused. I had been drafted into this lunacy, that much was now written in stone, but if that was to be the case, I wanted to see if I could maybe get things to flow a bit more in my favor. So far, I hadn't done what I could call a bang up job, but now was the time to fix previous mistakes.

"I've agreed to this, but we need to get a couple of things straight before we go any further, and you toss me to more of those monsters out there. I'm not invincible, so I _can_ get killed, and if I'm fighting huge evil looking monsters at every turn that will no doubt try and hurt me, then I may get mashed into putty under the claws of some beast. So, in order to avoid that, I'd like my contribution to this endeavor to be minimal at best. I'll help, but don't think for one minute that I'm suicidal. I happen to like being alive, and throwing my life out the window, even though the cause may be noble, isn't something I plan on doing. Consider me the second string. Link takes care of things normally, and when he needs a little backup, _then_ I'll step in. Is that cool?"

"That may happen more than you think," the old man informed me casually, "as Link is very near overwhelmed no matter where he goes. He is, after all, but one man. So, with you, you could protect him long enough for him to reach the final chamber, and destroy the guardians of the temples. And do not worry about any damages. We have many medicines here that will heal you to full strength. And plenty of milk besides that."

I was silent, and at this final comment, I directed a stare that was completely empty at the old guy. I mean, it was a _flawless_ poker face, one that any gambler would have killed over. Mainly because I was contemplating asking aloud how that…milk, _of_ all things, could _possibly_ have _anything_ to do with this, but I let it pass. Milk…honestly.

"Uh," I recovered slowly, "Temples? What temples are those?"

"There are seven places throughout Hyrule," Sahasrahla informed me, "That have great significant to our history. Places of great importance. Ganon knew this, and to further degrade them and our people, he turned these hallowed sites into dens of evil, a nesting ground for his darkest of minions. In each of these places he has hidden a crystal, containing a spirit of one of the seven wise men from ages ago, that had used their power to defeat another evil. They will ultimately help to defeat him. Each of these crystals were buried into these temples, and entrusted to an exceptionally powerful creature to safeguard it. Link has been charged with the retrieval of these crystals, so that a weakness to Ganon's vile magic might be discovered. Each of these shrines is now corrupt, full of traps and underlings that serve Ganon. Entering such a place if difficult if not impossible, let alone facing a powerful monster in battle. With your help though, it would surely be immensely easier for Link to enter, and to fight with the creature to recover the crystal."

"I see. Sounds like you're pitting two guys against an army. Ugh, this is sounding more and more like suicide all the time." At this, everyone present looked moments away from reassuring me of my own strength and all that. I cut them off by raising a hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…be optimistic. Look, one more thing. This…Moblin's, or whatever you called those things, weapon is neat and stuff, but I was wondering would it be possible to get something else? A halberd is fine, but maybe a sword or something else would be better? It's more my style. And furthermore, what about armor? Or a horse? Equipment? Things of that nature? You know, gadgets and magical stuff to help us out? Do you guys have an equivalent of Q around here? The guy from all the James Bond movies?"

These strings of questions yielded a look very much like the one I had used earlier regarding a bizarre comment about milk. I got the feeling that they wouldn't make the connection to the reference.

"Nevermind. Look, could I get like a sword or armor? That would certainly make this easier, and from what I'm hearing, you guys are all about easy."

"Um, yes we have a blacksmith here in town. I don't suppose…you have any money?"

"Well…not especially no. I kinda left my wallet on my dresser. Why? Why would I need money?"

"Perhaps things are different in your world, but here…well, the craftsmen require payment for their services." This ridiculous revelation left me stunned completely.

"_They what?!"_ I practically screamed, waving my arms about in the air, exploding outward, this latest outrage being too much for me to take. "Are you freakin' kidding me? I'm here risking my neck for you people, facing off against monsters and evil wizards, and you're talking about making a buck off of me? What the hell is that?"

"You must understand that those with a business venture in operation require compensation for their unique skills. They cannot hope to make ends meet if they are giving away their merchandise."

"What?! Is that their attitude? Sheesh, I guess I don't understand crap here man! Look, I won't ream you about this. Take me to whoever these blacksmiths are, so I can yell at them. When I'm through with them, I'll…I'll…" I stammered, once more struggling for the correct violent words, "Well, I'm not sure what I'll do yet, but you better believe it isn't going to be nice! Show me the way!"

Sahasrahla nodded, slowing rising from his chair, casting a furrowed expression back at Link, who had what could only be described as a lethargic look. In the midst of all the yelling and shouting, he had remained as passive as a stone. With such a laidback attitude, he certainly didn't seem like the hero that everyone was hoping he was. More like an oafish slacker. I followed the old man, and Link followed after me. The girl, Arlia I think her name was, exited the house last behind Link.

Back on the streets, I noticed that the people that had previously been cowering had at last come out of their hidey-holes, still looking as meek as ever. All of them were milling about here and there, their eyes fastened upon me. I stared right back, feeling somewhat superior to them. If I directed so much as a threatening look at them, they most likely would have flipped out and run for cover in a stampeding frenzy of panic.

Such a thing would undoubtedly be quite funny, but I figured if I was going to be a hero or whatever, then scaring the locals wasn't going to raise my standards and position with them. So I reframed myself. I did however snort at them, in an almost snotty arrogant type way. It didn't have the effect I would have liked.

"Something wrong?" the old man craned his neck around to look at me, "Sounds like you got something stuck in your nose. Do you need some water?" I felt the urge to slap my face with a hand, and run it across, distorting my features in a classic display of exasperation, but I held myself.

"No, I'm fine. Is that the place over there?" For indeed, we hadn't been walking for very long, and already it was quite easy to pick out where we were heading. A house on the…well, I think it was either the west side or the east side. It looked to be as standard as any of the other buildings around, but this had tons of firewood stacked in front of it.

Strewn across the yard was a multitude of metal tools, from axes, picks, hammers, and a traditional anvil. From the chimney of the other places around town was a fine line of white smoke, a large portion of what brought the quaintness to this place. This house however, was all but belching a black smoke, puffing upwards, only to be scattered at the passing of the wind.

Hanging over the doorway was a sign with a hammer and anvil, as well as the words ThunderHammer Smithy written out in stylish letters. I suddenly realized that the print overhead was _not_ in English. In fact, it looked like nothing at all, not but weird shapes and lines scrawled here and there. The only thing I could closely relate it to was perhaps Norse runes. Yet, I still read and was able to interpret it as easily as English. It seems that I was able to read and even speak the language of these people unconsciously. Well, saves me the trouble of having to learn it. Nothing is as bad as running around a place where people couldn't understand you. Come to think of it though, that's still was sort of the case here. All of my references went _way_ over everyone's heads.

"Here we are," the old man announced, "the finest smith in all of Hyrule. Link, you and Arlia wait here for us." Link nodded, and just started to lean. He seemed quite fond of leaning. The girl, Arlia, merely stood silently. The house was on a bit of a hill, so the two of us had to climb some stairs to reach the door. "Anything that ones needs, they can make in a jiffy," Sahasrahla went on, "Although…I've never known them to work for…" I cut him off.

"Well, they've never met me before. I'll just have a word with them and explain my situation." I found the simple wooden handle, and tugged at it. It was surprisingly heavy wood, so I had to nearly pry the heavy thing open. When I finally got it open, I was greeted by a blast of heat, and was very near toppled off my feet by the overwhelming aroma of burning wood, burning steel, and smoke.

I felt the air sucked out of my lungs, as I struggled to continue breathing. I crossed the threshold, but I started feeling a bit woozy at the fumes. I would have gone right back outside to recover, but the old man had followed me in and had dragged the door shut behind us, trapping us in that gas chamber of a blacksmith. I just had to grin and bear it. And while grinning, and bearing it, I looked about.

The center of the whole room was dominated by an enormous forge, something one would really expect to see in such a place, the kind with minute copper tubes sticking out from the top, twisting and branching off every which way. All along the walls were wooden pegs, and hanging from said pegs were hammers of every size, from the great big mauls, down to tiny little rock hammers. The typical mallet in the blacksmith was used to flatten out, temper and fold the metal used for weapons and armor.

The floor looked like dusty wood, covered with soot and charred spots, having been the victim of spouting flames from the forge. As I was trying to regain my breath, I heard a clanking, and I looked round, and saw the blacksmith in question. And who da funk it? It was not the typical stereotypical blacksmith, a huge bulging man with hair all over his forearms, as well as an unkempt black beard, bald head, and a loud booming voice that shook the room. No, this was not the case.

First off, there wasn't just one smith here, but rather two. And to describe one was to describe both, as they were identical twins. They were short as hell, like gnomes, no taller than my stomach, perhaps three feet high. But there were very cheerful by the looks, each having these dark but keen shining eyes, and immaculate beards of absolute white almost touching the floor. They were dressed in standard coveralls, no doubt built to their small statures, and they had small pointed caps over their heads, much like the one Link had been wearing.

Apparently, they hadn't noticed us, totally absorbed in their work, each pounding away at a slab with some piece of red hot metal. The thing was, they were pounding away with hammers of almost unnatural size. That went doubly because these guys were so short. Those mallets must have been six feet long, but they were slinging them around like baseball bats.

Eventually, one of them looked round and saw us. His brother noticed, and together the two put down their hammers, and approached us. They were so short, that they couldn't walk, let alone stride. They waddled over, in a squat straight legged gait. When they reached us, they bowed, giving us even larger smiles than before. Sahasrahla bowed in return, and I not knowing what else to do, did the same thing.

"Greetings Elder," they said at the same time, "And hello to you. Is there something we can help you gentlemen with?" Okay now, I've seen quite a few crazy things in that last hour or so, and even my share of weird things back home, but listening to those two gnome blacksmith guys talk? That was just plain eerie.

They spoke exactly in time, their tones as identical as their appearance, echoing with a high almost alien like voice. They could have gotten work as the voice of an extraterrestrial back home. They would have made the X-Files proud. To put it simply, after hearing them, I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to turn around, tear down that thick heavy door, and run away like a man on fire. But I resisted.

"We may at that," the old man answered them, "This fine young man here has agreed to fight Ganon, and assist Link. All he requires is a suitable weapon and armor. We were hoping you'd be the men to ask." The gnomes chuckled, sounding an awful lot like gremlins.

"Oh yes," they chimed, "We certainly are. Our humble little shop is at your service."

They then turned to me, effectively creeping me out even further, directing their gazes at me. I mean, they weren't scary to look at, they were as loveable as two puppies, but nonetheless, they were freaking me out.

"And good show to you," they exclaimed, bowing, "You are quite brave to agree to fight Ganon. Tell us, what is it that you need?" Being put in the spotlight, I had to unravel my tongue, and state my case.

"Alright, well for starters, I need a better weapon." I gestured to the halberd that I was still carting around. "This is alright, but the way it's decorated…well, it's no wonder that everyone is afraid of me. And, I'll need some protection, lest some monster rips my head off. I'm not sure what exactly you have, so I'll let you use your best judgment." The blacksmiths glanced at each other, giving identical knowing smirks.

"Hmm, well then, we'll need to size you up. This way…" They waddled back across the room, towards a desk that had been hidden behind the colossal forge. Scattered about were scrolls and papers, quill pens and drawings, no doubt their design board for what to create. Organized and talented, judging by the numerous pieces of craftsmanship they had adorned their walls with. And weird too.

"Let's see," they speculated, one clearing the desk of scraps, the other fetching a length of rope as well as a step ladder. "We'll need you to stand there, and keep still. Let us handle the rest." I did as instructed, while the two minute men circled around me, stretching the rope across my legs, around my waist, and having them climb up the ladder to reach my arms and neck. I was forced to stoop for them to reach my head.

Once that was done, they converged by the desk, each taking up a pen, and began scrawling. They were murmuring with each other the whole time, occasionally glancing back at me, looking up and down, before continue their scribbling. After a time, they turned, simultaneously again, and faced me.

"What sort of weapon were you interested in precisely? Another polearm, or perhaps a blade?" I thought back to Link, the way he wielded the Master Sword like a pro. Made me wish I had one. A sword seemed best.

"I guess a sword like Link's. I don't suppose you guys know how to make a magical lightning shooting, evil killing sword?" They chuckled at that.

"Sorry lad, but you're right about that. That skill is beyond our power to create. But, we can still forge a mighty blade for you to help."

"As long as it cuts, then I'll be happy. What about the armor?"

"We're still putting ideas together for that. Rest assured it will be quite protective. We have your measurements, so when we decide upon what to make, we'll have everything we need." Sahasrahla stepped forward to join me.

"How long do you think it will take to create these items? There is little time, as Ganon grows stronger with each passing day. I don't wish to rush, as I know the creation of such things takes time, but the longer we wait, the more powerful he becomes." The gnomes once again traded glances. They really seemed to enjoy doing that.

"Never fear," they answered in unison, "We guess it will take no more than three to four days for us to finish. And when we do, Ganon's days will be numbered! Oh yes!" This was good news for everyone around. Good for the people of this world that such a tyrannical dictator would be overthrown, and their peace would be restored. And good for me to find my way home again.

Though, the thoughts of me wielding a sword and fighting bad guys were tugging at the superhero in us all. Making me the hero, or a semi-hero at the least put a smile on my face. Looking like a knight, slinging my sword around…The thing was, I still didn't have a way to pay for the stuff I was going to get, and I was trying to think of a way to tell them that. Or to weasel my way out of paying at all. Oh well, I'd hopefully figure something out before the moment of truth fell on me. _I certainly hope those blacksmiths won't break my knees or something. Yikes. _


	6. Hero Time!

**Chapter 6: **Hero Time!

They certainly weren't kidding about the time. In three days on the dot, we were called back up to the blacksmith shop to pick up our order. In the meanwhile, I had been wandering around the village, taking in the sights. I got to say, it was pretty nice. A quiet quaint village, no hustle and bustle, no worries; apart from the constant shadow of that Ganon freak, and plenty of free time to relax and put up your feet. I talked with a couple of townsfolk, who at long last by this time had stepped out from their homes, no longer cowering and quaking in fear of my very presence.

I learned some history of the land, ancient legends, and news of current events. I may never have heard of Hyrule before, but it certainly had a colorful history, with primeval gods, mystic sages, wise men, and other neat stuff. Most fascinating though was information regarding to this current fracas. For example, I learned that there was a princess mixed in with all of this insanity. Not surprising actually, considering all the stuff I had heard.

An evil wizard with designs to take over the world, or something along the lines, so naturally there had to be a damsel in distress in the equation somewhere. It's almost a rule of the natural world.

Her name is Princess Zelda, daughter of the king of Hyrule, who had been dethroned by Ganon during his hostile coup-de-ta, and whose whereabouts were unknown.

And speaking of the dirtbag himself, Ganon was holding her prisoner for some reason. That was something that always bugged me. Why did bad guys always take a chick hostage? Even when it didn't really need to be done? Who knows? Link's quest, and apparently mine too as well, was to gather the seven crystals from the seven sacred sites.

These crystals, supposedly housing the magical power of the old seven wise men, would be used to help us beat Ganon, in some way or another. And once he was out of the way, rescuing the princess was cake, and if weird stuff like this was to be believed, the Triforce would become whole again, and I could get my butt home, and out of La-La Land. Not that I don't like it here. But one step at a time first…

Naturally, in order to gather these crystals, and save the princess, we would have to fight our way through tons of nasty creatures, and at the end of each temple, there was suppose to be some ultra huge monster, like as big as a house, that guards the crystal. The thought of charging a…_thing_, whatever it may be, _that large_ didn't seem all that intelligent, but Link had apparently done it several times before, and he was just fine. But then…he _was_ Link, and I…well, wasn't.

Speaking of whom, I tried talking to him in the time I had, trying to coax him into divulging some info about what we would possibly be facing. After all, we were apparently going to be partners from here on out, so getting a little data about him couldn't really hurt.

I may as well have been talking to a stone carving. He did nothing besides look at me, shrug, nod, or blink. That's it. Not a word, nor a laugh, hell, not even a simple grunt ever passed from his lips. I was really beginning to think that the guy was a mute. Not only that, despite his awesome performance on our first encounter, in the days of rest, you would never have imagined him to be some magnificent hero. He was always leaning on stuff, looking droopy-eyed, yawning, and doing nothing. I wouldn't have been surprised to see him whittling or playing shuffle board like an old man.

I received a tour of the town from Sahasrahla as well, showing me some other shops and stores; places where I could buy some equipment later on, when I got money, as naturally, they weren't giving any free handouts. That really bugged the crap out of me…I was out there risking my neck for them, and if I _didn't_ do this, they might end up dead, yet they couldn't even give me a discount or something. Their businesses were more important than their lives apparently. I constantly talked about this to all the shopkeepers and such but…well; I might as well have tried explaining it to them through interpretive dance.

And also, I finally understand…the secret to the milk. For some eccentric reason that I can't even begin to understand, the tavern/inn in the town doesn't serve alcohol, not that I would want any anyways, but rather milk. Milk, milk, and more milk. Different kinds and different flavors, from cows and other animals that I don't want to know about. A milk bar was weird enough, but even stranger, every time I had a drink of this milk, it gave me a surge of energy, like a blast of adrenalin fueled by sugar and caffeine. I felt alive enough to go out and tear Ganon and his horde of baddies into tiny shreds of confetti. The milk I drank back home was pathetic compared to this stuff. I guess the commercials would have made more sense here. Milk…it does a body good. I'll agree to that.

Anyways, three days later, I received a letter from the creepy blacksmith brothers, informing me that my equipment was ready, and I could pick it up anytime. I had been staying in the inn for the whole time, paid for by the Elder. As I stepped outside, there the old man was, Link next to him, looking moments away from falling asleep on his feet. So, the three of us journeyed across town, and up the hill, taking us back to the shop. The blacksmiths greeted us at the door, and motioned for us to enter.

"Please, please," they chanted in unison, sending that shiver across my skin again, "Come in, come in. We are finished. We hope you like it!"

They pointed to the far wall, and my eyes opened wide. On the table by their workbench, sat three incredible pieces. First, was the armor. It looked like chainmail, but was a shiny as a mirror. There were several flaps of polished metal around the midsection, with a golden insignia of the Triforce across the chest. Judging by its size, it looked to be able to reach a bit past my waist, and then secured by a large leather belt, with a shiny silver buckle. There were also two straps that crisscrossed the front, leather supports so it didn't go sliding around whenever I moved. It was really something else.

Next to it was a shield. It was similar to the one Link wielded, a white shield, with red and blue designs tattooed across it in eloquent and stunning patterns. And again, a Triforce etched on it, with its trademark gold glow.

Lastly, was the sword. And…_damn_…It almost looked like a splitting image of the Master Sword, the hilt being the same build and shape, while the blade was the same length and width. The only differences were the hilt of this one was a bright scarlet rather than the deep cerulean, and the Master Sword's blade was an almost shimmering white, while mine was a glinting silver, without the mystical aura surrounding it. I suppose that means mine didn't have that trademark evil-killing power. Still, it looked _really_ freakin' sharp, sharp enough to cut down a tree in a single slice. Seriously some badass equipment.

"Well," the Dwarven/Gnome smiths inquired, leaning in closer, hoping to gauge my reaction, "What do you think? Do they meet your approval?" I stepped forward and took a good long look. Truth be told I was a little hesitant to touch them. They looked too fine and awesome for me to use.

"What do I think?" I answered, my voice quivering from the excitement that was moments away from erupting from me, "I think they are _incredible_! I've never seen anything like these before! You guys are freaking geniuses! Completely off the wall!" My words made them glow with pride, bowing low, their beards mopping the floor.

"Please," they pressed, gesturing me onward, "Try them out, see if they suit you." Needing no further encouragement than that, I practically lunged forward, and was running my hands across these delightful beauties. I felt like a kid that had just been taken off of a leash, and had full roam of all the wondrous delectables available in a chocolate factory. I lifted the armor, unbelievably light and flexible, and slid it over my head. There was a slight tension, then it fit, perfectly, snug, but not with any hindrances. I twisted around and around, bending my legs and arms, loosening it up, and feeling the cold rings pressed against my clothes and skin.

"So light…It feels like I'm not wearing any armor at all. Incredible!" Once I felt effectively suited up, I lifted the shield, hefted it and waved it around, pretending I was blocking attacks from giant monsters or some such thing. It too was light, but felt strong, made of fine metal. Finally, saving the best for last, I gingerly picked up the sword.

At once…it felt…so strange…like the sword was gone, and my arm had merely doubled in range. It instantly became an extension of myself, a sharpened end attached to my hand. I took a few swings, the keen edge cutting the warm air around us with a stern hiss. Twirling it about was simple, letting it all but dance through my fingertips. I picked up the sheath, slid it into the belt of my armor, and replaced the blade with a gentle click. And lastly, I swung my shield onto my back, and turned to face the group. I was finally ready.

"I…well, jeez, this is just…mind-boggling. This stuff is off the charts…no wonder you guys are the best." Once again, the brothers bowed, sheepishly rubbing their fingers though their beards. Sahasrahla stepped forward, head tilted, looking me up and down.

"A great improvement," he commented, "What do you think Link?" Link was hardly paying attention, and only casually reached under his hat, and scratched his head. One could clearly see that he was beside himself with exhilaration.

"Well then," the old man went on, "Now that you are properly outfitted, I think the time has come for you to begin your quest. And do not worry for the payment; I have already taken care of that…" I was about to protest, or perhaps voice my distaste for the concept of asking for money in such desperate times, but considering the reactions and expressions I had been getting in the last couple of days, I just shut my trap and nodded.

"We of the village thank you," he bowed to the blacksmiths, "For your speedy and excellent service. This marks a day of rekindled hope for us all." Thus, the three of us turned and exited the smiths.

Back in the sunlight, I felt really grand, full of pep and vinegar and other strong spices. My new armor was glinting in the light, and I felt good enough to do handsprings and cartwheels all the way down the hill. Of course I didn't, for fear of falling and breaking my neck. Also, I think I would have looked a little too much like a fruitcake, what with all the frolicking and such.

The point is…I felt great, and actually looking forward to this hero business. Sure, I would have to fight unspeakable horrors from the beyond, but with this stuff, I felt ready to slice and dice, and then trample over the little pieces. Invincible I say! As we reached the town, we found a small crowd there waiting for us. Townsfolk, still looking a big uneasy, apparently to see us off. When they caught sight of me however, in my new duds, their expressions changed to awe or something just like it. I don't mean to toot my own horn more than I already have, but I looked really cool. All shiny and stuff.

"Now then," the old man stepped between Link and me, looking back and forth between us, "Our fate is in your hands. We know you will triumph and defeat Ganon. The time has come to begin your journey. May the gods protect you."

He then offered us a map, wrinkled and yellow, with numerous red symbols slashed across it. "This has marked on it the sites of all the sacred temples, the places that you must go. Be wary, for once you defeat one guardian, then Ganon is sure to be watching you, and ensuring that the other temples are ready to repel you. You must be strong in order to succeed. Let your courage be your strength." We both nodded, glancing at one another. We looked rather mismatched, a guy clothed in green, and a guy as glossy as a spoon, ready to go fight an evil wizard.

At that point the pretty girl with purple hair came pushing through the crowd of spectators, clutching a leather bag. She offered it to me, bowing low.

"Please take this," she pressed, "It's full of food and medicine. You will surely need it." I nodded, and slid it over my shoulder. My gaze eventually turned upward, to stare at the blue sky above. I was still reeling, even after as much time that had passed since this all began. I still had trouble accepting that I was about to go on some epic adventure, to decide the fate of people, in a battle of good and evil; a situation we all dream of being in, at least in one form or another, but this time…for me…it was really happening.

_Oh well,_ I said to myself_, I guess I won't be waking up. And it's way too late to go back. Guess it's time to get this game started. Hopefully…I won't end up dead._

I looked around at Link, who for the first time since I met him looked alive and vital, ready and eager to head out. I slapped him on the arm. "You ready?" He gave me a nod, adjusting his cap, and running his fingers through his stylish blonde hair. "Alright then," we turned waved to the villagers, and started walking. "Here we go. Watch your ass Ganon, cause we're coming to kick it, hardcore!" And in my mind…_Here we go…On with the madness!_


	7. Monster Slaying 101

**Chapter 7:** Monster Slaying 101

"Holy crap!" I shouted, my eyes protruding a good foot out of my head, "Those are friggin' walking skeletons! Alright…uh…what do we do? What do we do? You're supposed to be the expert around here!" I was of course referring to the six foot tall skeletons, complete with sword and shield that had leapt out from the trees, as the two of us had been warily marching through a shadowy forest. And Link's answer was rather simple on what to do.

He pulled out his magic sword, and without a sound rushed forward, shield out in front, meeting their charge with one of his own. Being less experienced with the proper educate on fighting animated bone dudes, I was forced to follow his lead, instead of coming up with my own reaction that was really cool and badass. As one could see with this fight, our journey, nay our quest had truly begun. But I'll say this; it certainly had taken a while…

Earlier… 

Things didn't start out quite so explosively. Earlier in the day, we exited the village as bold as brass with our escort of cheering citizens, feeling super awesome and ready to kick some evil wizards in the nuts. However, once it was just the two of us, the mood became a bit more, shall we say…boring. There was all this countryside in front of us, spanning for hundreds of miles it seemed like, and my feet began to throb at the mere thought of tramping over all of that.

Nonetheless we marched. And marched…and marched some more. All was peaceful, no monsters attacking or terrible creatures of inconceivable horror bellowing at the tops of their voices. Nope, nothing like that. We had nothing but the chirping of birds, the slight wavering of the wind, and a few unseen insects making those weird noises amongst the trees. And that was all.

I guess that over the course of the previous idle days, my expectations of the adventure stuff had been raised higher and higher by everything I had heard from the village locals. Monsters roaming the countryside, hundreds of them, all of which were out hunting Link and any allies of his, to ensure none could stand opposed to Ganon. Excitement around every corner, peril lurking behind every tree, and horrible creatures to slay at a moments notice. Glamorous hero work. Not quite.

It was almost two hours of walking in some seemingly random direction before I saw anything of interest. What it happened to be was a lake. It wasn't big, almost more of a pond than anything, and as we approached, Link slowed his pace, and paused, sitting under a nearby tree, presumably to rest. He sat, so I sat nearby. The last thing I wanted people to think was that even though we were fighting along side one another, that we weren't…partners. Two guys in the wilderness, one a handsome pretty boy…Yeah, I'll just push those thoughts from my head.

"So…Link," I said aloud, as he took a drink, "Where are we headed for first? I think it'd be a good idea for me to…well I don't know…stay informed…and such. For convenience sake…" It was clear that I was starved for conversation, having to endure an almost perfect silence for two hours was close to the point of maddening.

Not that I expected Link to say anything. At this point, I knew better. He _may_ have been able to speak as I was still undecided about that, but for all intensive purposes, he was a mute. And as I thought, he didn't answer me with words. All he did was point, towards a cluster of hills down the road, still looking to be like a thousand miles off or something.

"So, one of these temple places that we're looking for is…there?" He nodded. End of conversation. Woo. After a few more minutes of rest, we were off again, on our way towards whatever it was that we were hiking towards. And again, still no contact from any other living thing. Seriously, I never even saw a squirrel or a rabbit.

Before we could climb those hills that he had indicated to before, we needed to pass through a clump of heavy trees that impeded our path. Link walked inside without so much as a second thought. I however was a bit more cautious. When one knows that evil monsters are out for your skin, stepping into a dark and sinister wood just didn't strike me as being all that wise.

I stuck my head beyond the threshold, and glanced around. All clear. I stepped inside a little bit…still nothing…a little more, and still nothing. Link was giving me this peculiar look, as if silently asking me, "What the hell are you doing?" I took the hint, and followed, my eyes looking this way and that, my body poised, ready to spring to action. As it turned out, my caution was well earned.

For out jumped the skeletons, their bones grinding together, waving their weapons at us, and began to shamble forward. It's funny, I had been waiting and waiting for something to happen, itching my pants off to get involved in a little action, and when it finally came, I was too freaked out to move at first. Then Link rushed in with no fear, and I figured it was time I did the same. I pulled my sword free, hoping this wasn't going to get messy, for me anyways, and went into battle.

I lost track of Link right off as two of the seven came at me. I guess Link was more their primary target than a sidekick, or whatever I was. Not to mention that currently, he could kick an enormously larger amount of ass than I. No matter. I faced the two, squared off, me shifting to the left, they shifting to the right, somehow being able to see rather clearly despite having no eyes.

I didn't want them to move first, so I came in with my sword, and took a chop. The closest one blocked with its shield, and further more, pushed me off, throwing me off balance. And whilst I was stumbling, the other nimbly leapt over his counterpart, his own jagged sword aimed for my head. Not one to be killed so quickly after this job had only just begun, I intentionally didn't regain my footing, and fell into the dirt, his blow missing my neck.

I realized that this was going to be tougher than fighting the moblins, as those things had been brainless, and while technically the same thing could be said about these skeletons, they were more formidable foes. I also realized that being in such an unfavorable position left myself open to an attack, thus I scrambled forward on my hands and knees, to gain some distance.

I heard a _thunk_ behind me, a sound that could very easily have been a metal blade hitting a clump of dirt, a cut that had probably been intended to hack my foot off. That just made me more determined to get up and…well, do something. Which I did. Once I was back up, the skeletons were circling again, so I started to do the same thing. As we were spiraling around and around, I stole a look over at Link to see his progress. Not surprisingly, it was better than my own. Of the original five, there was only one left. And I saw how it was done.

Link and the skeleton were doing the same thing I and my buddies were doing, eyeing each other, slinking through the grass back and forth. Link took an occasional slice, but the skeleton was guarding, the blow not getting past his shield. But Link must have known this, and hadn't made the attack with a lot of force behind it as I had, as it left him in a bad position to be…I don't know, thrown off balance maybe?

It seemed Link was waiting, but for what? What indeed. The last remaining skeleton leapt through the air, sword aiming down. Link just stepped to the side, his foe landing past him. That put Link on the skeletons blind side, and with as much casualness as one picks a much loved flavor of ice cream, he made a single cut, severing the skeleton's spine, causing the whole…well, skeleton to come apart. It broke into a dozen or three pieces, and those pieces quickly vanished, consumed with that familiar blue fire from before.

_So_, thought I with a smile, _that is how you do it. You let these things make their own attack, and one takes advantage of their over-zealous moves. Alright_. Thus, I waited as well, as the three of us continued our game of Ring Around the Rosy. And as with Link's, the lead skeleton, instead of leaping, made a rush forward, swinging its sword in a powerful diagonal arc. Before I even knew I was moving, I somehow slipped past it, and turned, my sword leading the way. There was a crack, a slight resistance, and sudden the skeleton came apart, falling to pieces on me.

I would have whooped out some wild cheer, but I was not done just yet. My move had left me vulnerable to the other skeleton, so I whirled to face him again, and hopped back. Surprisingly enough, the skeleton hadn't made a move while my back was turned. He was still circling. I was at once reminded of martial arts movies. One guy fights the hero, gets his butt kicked, and then up steps the next goon. All the while, there are like fifty badguys in the room, all dancing around the two fighters in a threatening manner, waiting for their turn.

Still, I wasn't complaining. Once again, we started slipping around, he going right, I going left. He then began to slide forward a bit, not much, but closing the gap. Somehow, I can't explain how though, I saw an opening in his defense, his shield lifted up a bit too high. Guess it must have been instinct, for I quickly lunged my sword into the open gap, and stabbed. It's quite weird though. I hit something, but I don't know what exactly. I mean, I actually saw my blade sliding into the open spaces of the ribcage, not actually striking bone, and yet it felt as if I had. What's more, the skeleton keeled over, and started to spontaneously combust, and just like that, the undead threat had passed.

As I felt the adrenaline start to fade, I began to breath normally, and gingerly put my sword away. Link meanwhile had finished a long time ago, being his usual calm self, once again scouting through the grass. And then it came back to me. When we killed the moblin things, they had dropped little gems. So I checked around where I saw my two foes fall. Luck was on my side for once, and I saw a little glint of red, which I picked up.

It was the same shape as the others I had found, only this baby was blood red, crimson. Almost like a ruby. Pretty sharp. Link too had come away with some loot, a blue gem and a green one. He slipped his into the little pouch on his belt. I lacking that stuck it into my pocket. And just like that, on we went.

Emerging from the forest, we found ourselves much closer to the hills, but still a ways to go. As we walked, I did take the time to enjoy the scenery. I have to admit, all the nature stuff was really refreshing. Being a city boy, more or less, I wasn't in much of a place to be surrounded by trees and rivers and such. But I certainly felt more at ease; the calm sunny days, hiking through green fields and lush forests. If not for the hordes of scary monsters out to eat my brains or some such thing, this easily could have been classified as a vacation. And speaking of scary monsters, we came across some more of those not far from the forest.

We soon passed by yet another pond, though this one was more of a lake. Big, but not huge. And sticking out of said lake were these weird fish-like things, with fins and dark olive green skin. They were glaring with their tan eyes, which were big and watery. They were also hissing or groaning or croaking, or something equally bizarre and rather unpleasant. Link paused, but instead of drawing his sword, reached around under his shield, and brought out that big hunting bow from before.

I swear right now, I was standing like five feet away, and I still didn't see how he did that. I mean, I was staring right at him, and it just sort of materialized into his hand. Go figure. Anywho, he quickly fit an arrow, yet another mystery as to where that had come from, since he didn't seem to carry a quiver either, took aim, and using that superb precision, nailed one of the things in the head.

It squalled and thrashed before slipping under the water, presumably to die. That however didn't seem too sit well with the others, who began a chorus of wailing, and that's when the fireworks started. Each one of those things, like fifteen of them, began hurling fireballs at us from their mouths of all places. No joke, they were the size of oranges, with burning red fire, in a huge volley. The two of us on shore had to dodge the incoming salvo, rolling and dodging. They were moving pretty fast, like the speed of a pitching machine.

Now, beating these things probably would have been easy, as they didn't look too fierce. Unfortunately, they were far out in the water, maybe thirty feet from shore, and I doubted I could wade out that far, or even swim in armor. Link had his bow, which he fired flawlessly again, whilst I, lacking such a fine projectile weapon, felt a bit like a fifth wheel. But when one fireball came right at me, right down the center, I got myself a little idea.

I pulled my sword out, stepping closer to the shore. "New batter," I called, waving my arms, hoping to draw the water guys attention. It did. They squealed at me, and fired a barrage. _I hope this works_, thought I, as I shouldered my sword up like a bat, keeping my eyes on the ball, _otherwise, this is really going to hurt like hell._ They sort of converged at me as they came close, and I waited until I could wait no more, and I swung my sword/bat. The effect was most excellent.

With perhaps the most peculiar sound I had ever heard, almost like a _wonging_, the whole lot of the fireballs were sent right back towards the senders. Several of them went in wild directions, whilst the others hit their marks. In a blast, four of the fishmen were struck by their own attack, wailed, and died. I think. Link saw me do this and gave another of those funny expressions of his, the ones that convey words without actually saying them. This one said, "Not a bad idea." With him shooting, and me playing baseball with these fireballs, we knocked out almost all of them. The few that remained retreated out of range, and dove down into the water.

As Link made his bow do its amazing disappearing act, I put my sword up, which was now actually a bit hot to the touch. Once we were set, we got moving. As we walked, Link gave me a grin, and a nod, most likely of approval. I got the message. I think. I believe what he meant to say, but didn't because he didn't seem to like speaking was, "Not too bad rookie, you're getting the hang of it." Truth be told, I think I was too. It's a learning experience after all, and I hadn't ever fought evil monsters before. Never thought I would either.

But despite everything so far, I knew that there was more to do, just beyond those hills. The ones we were walking towards. The ones that didn't seem to get any bigger. _Ah man,_ I whined on the inside, _walking sucks…_


	8. Sand and Stone

**Chapter 8:** Sand & Stone

The terrain began to alter finally, after the fifth hour of our extensive trek. But much to my unending delight, it wasn't for the better. Now, instead of being lush forests with small ponds dotting the countryside, with shade and cool wind keeping us from sweating, it became drier, hotter, and rockier. The vegetation began to wilt, forests vanished, and that worldly comfort known as water became something that needed to be rationed.

Prior to this, we had emerged from the forest, and began marching towards a cluster of hills in the distance, which we eventually got to with nothing really eventful hindering our trudging progress. Going up them was no picnic either, and once on top, we surveyed the land. Barren. Very barren. Not very inspiring…

It would be what one would call a wasteland. Not as elevated and imposing as a harsh mountain range. Nor was it a desert, with an endless carpet of sand. More of a combination, with craggy cliffs and dusty surroundings. All in all, not a very hospitable setting. A far cry from the peaceful village that I was missing more and more. Traversing the ground was no small task, having to keep our feet when sliding down steep stone walls, making doubly sure not to slip on the fine sandy dirt that covered everything. And the heat was just making this even more of a pain in the ass.

As you have no doubt assumed, I have a tendency to whine a lot…

Naturally, as if to make this task even more irritating, several large bird things, like vultures began circling around overhead, dive bombing us when we were at our most vulnerable. They flapped their wings in our faces, and tried to poke our eyes out with their talons. I tried swiping at them with my sword, nearly losing my balance and tumbling to a grisly death in the process, while Link used that uncanny marksmanship to shoot them down. I was a flailing turkey while he was cool as ice. Sometimes, his awesomeness makes me so jealous.

"Say," I asked him, after he had sent them into a squawking retreat, "You wouldn't happen to know where I could…you know maybe…get one of those? Looks pretty useful." Link glanced at his bow, then at me, followed by a shrug. The universal Link answer. I got the hunch that he didn't know, so I dropped it, and changed the subject.

"So, what are we looking for around here? A temple I guess, but so far I'm not seeing much that looks like a temple. No marble structures or anything like that."

At this, he shook his head, and pointed. We were currently halfway down a steep, but not too steep canyon wall. At the bottom was a large stretch of sandy reddish brown earth. His finger directed my attention towards the center of that expanse, where there were many large stones, having unique shapes of human construct. Or…Hylian, if you want to be nitpicky about it.

There didn't look to be much there, just some ruins. When everyone had been talking about temples and such, I had expected something a bit…well, grander. Something more along the lines of glossy while edifices of divine significance. This was a pile of rubble in a sandpit. Charming…

The last few bits of descending the ravine walls were the hardest, their faces becoming all the more slippery and smooth. That would have bee cute, wouldn't it? Me finishing my epic quest by smashing my brains across the rocks. But I gripped the stones, and lowered myself gingery, escaping that fate.

Things became easier after that. The sand at the bottom of the gulch was soft and rolling gently, so walking over it was a breeze. The sun did beat down on us, and the imposing rock walls around us blocked any wind, but it was still better than mountain climbing. Of course, such an easy trek across the sand was not without its perils…

Everyone's first guess probably would be quicksand. Nope…At least, not quite. As we crossed this miniature desert, I got the feeling that we were being observed, but from where I couldn't tell. Looking up, the buzzard things were still there, circling far overhead out of range, but I didn't think they were bothering me. Some other creature was around, but I could see no one nearby. Then, the powerfully strong hand grabbed my ankle.

With a single pull, my right leg was sucked down into the sand, and kept sinking. My reaction was…ahem…admirable.

_"YAHHHHHHH!!! SOMETHING'S GOT MY FREAKIN' LEG!!!"_ I at once began clawing at the sand, yanking my stuck leg, trying to free myself. Link turned about, and came on the run, sword out, and began stabbing at the sand. My concern shifted at once from being dragged to a sandy end, towards the fear of his large blade hacking my foot off, rather than the underground grabber. But there came a shrieking cry from beneath us, as the ground trembled and my foot was free.

"Jesus, what the hell was that," I choked out, trying to calm the rising flood of panic, coaxing my heart back into my chest, and out of my esophagus. Link shrugged, and I swear right now that I could have strangled him. Him and those shrugs! Before I could act upon those violent thoughts, he then pointed behind, then poised himself. I looked.

Rising up out of the ground not far off was a long slender green worm creature, way bigger than any snake, at least thirty feet long, and maybe three feet thick. It had large mandibles, and circular mouth full of very imposing looking teeth. It had a long purple rope dangling out of its mouth, what I could only assume was its tongue, dripping some yellow liquid. Link must have given that tongue something to taste, and sliced it off.

The giant worm was writhing upright, its olive colored body wiggling madly. It was emitting very high pitch shrieks and cries, as if to proclaim its pain. At least, that's what I thought it was doing until the ground began to tremble again, but much more violently.

"Don't tell me," I groaned aloud, looking over at Link. He too looked worried, keeping a firm grip on his sword, glancing around, and keeping an eye on his feet. Seeing him anxious didn't make me feel better. But at least he didn't shrug.

In a blasting cloud of dirt, right in front of us, four more of the snake creatures erupted out of the sand by its wounded fellow, all of them twisting and wriggling about in a large green stringy mass. I didn't think they could see us, but nonetheless they turned to "look" in our direction, making chittering noises, sounding like a bunch of large angry squirrels. I would have _much_ rather faced squirrels.

There was a tension between us, they squirming in their upright positions, us crouching and waiting. Then, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I glanced back at Link. He was already running, but fortunately not with that super speed of his. That would have been bad form indeed for him to run so quickly, that he would leave me as the only target present. But he was still running nonetheless, towards the ruins.

I didn't waste any words asking questions, and I bolted after him. There may be a time in the future when I could prove my own bravery, ingenuity, and severe coolness in a battle situation, but it was not here. If Link, even with all his skills and his evil killing Master Sword was hauling ass out of there, then I'd probably be worm bait in about three seconds flat. Thus, I took off at his heels.

At our sudden movement, the worms behind us let out that shrill cry, and with a thundering rush of sand, they were after us. And man, in that loose dirt, were they _fast_.

"I'm _really_ having fun here!" I shouted as we streaked across the ground, "This is _exactly_ what I'd like to be doing today!" I stole a look behind, as the giant worms were jumping out of the sand like a school of misshapen dolphins, coming closer. "Go away!" I yelled, urging myself to move faster, "Go find some nice dirt to eat and leave me alone!"

They didn't heed my request and kept coming. Rats. The ruins had been a good ways off when we had started running, but we came up on them awfully fast. At close range, they seemed bigger than they had an hour ago, up at the lip of the ravine. Not that I had the leisure of time to pause and take note of architectural designs and symbolist meanings.

Most everything was sandy colored pillars knocked on their sides, but one looked like a small brick hut, with a modest sized opening. We both flew inside, and nearly went painfully down a series of like…a million steps, leading downward into the deepest darkest depths. Outside, the worms cried out in frustration, they being unable to pierce through the stone walls. With their size, I would have thought it easy for them to crush this measly building into powder, but if they couldn't then I wasn't one to gripe.

A descending staircase right through the front door was odd indeed, even more so for one this immense. Perhaps I exaggerated in saying a million steps, but I don't think over a thousand would be. If there was a railing too, going down them wouldn't have been such a chore…more like a fun ride. Going back was the _real_ fun part…the mere thinking about such an activity was nauseating; and I was already praying that we could avoid such a thing.

Once we got away from the snake worms, Link straightened his attire and cap, drew his sword, and nodded at me. I followed suit. He started down, pulling from nowhere a small lantern, that shone a surprisingly large amount of light. He went first, which was fine by me, and I covered the rear, being extra wary. So…we went down…And down…and just for the thrill of it…we went down some more, these stairs being endless, they seeking to deposit us into the center of the earth.

Then, at last, there was a flickering light at the end of the tunnel. So to speak. We emerged in a huge room, rectangular and very large. Maybe two hundred feet across, with lofty roof space overhead. There were a few torches lit, scattered about here and there, and I at once wondered as to how they had remained lit, being in a place that didn't look like it got a lot of tourists.

On the opposite side, across from us was a door, and a big one at that, a giant stone slab, having neither a doorknocker or handle. It did have some pictures carved into it, a giant weird shaped eye, and the ever-familiar Triforce. No doubt this was the way forward, but things wouldn't be that easy. For there was a row of iron bars shut tight in front of it, making accessing it impossible. Of course, to move a rock that size…I didn't see neither me nor Link, or the two of us even making it shift slightly. But…one thing at a time.

There was a noticeable path leading from the exit of the staircase, right to this iron-clad door, the floor tiles a different color. And lining this walkway were huge stone statues. They were ugly…very ugly. One giant eye, grotesque open mouths, horns, and short stubby arms. Unsightly to say the least.

Though I wasn't saying that the carving job was bad, oh no. _That_ was excellent; exceptional actually, but what they were supposed to be, I couldn't even guess. Whoever made them sure could have picked a better subject to sculpt. They stood on little bases, making them look like gargantuan chess pieces.

Link put aside his lantern, but still looked cautious, casting mistrusting eyes at the stone watchers. I didn't see the need to worry. I walked with him, but not nearly in the same scrupulous fashion. I didn't put my sword up, but I didn't feel the need to slink here. I felt safe.

In the course of running from the worms and descending down the staircase, I hadn't been aware that my one of my shoelaces had come undone, and I just now noticed. I stooped, and felt some of my hair brush against the nearest stone guard. I _really_ wish I hadn't done that. In an instant, there was a rumble, a grinding of stone, and a dull roar thundered around us.

I forgot about my shoe, and was stunned to see everyone of the rock men moving. Their lone eye in the center of each statue began to glow a shaded green, they rolling around until they caught sight of us. Then they had started to move, by hopping around, moaning and groaning about something, closing in on Link and…me.

The two of us began running around the room in crazy circles, trying to elude these relentless moving statues. Each one of those things must have weighed as much as a truck, but they were still hoping about two feet in the air with each bound. Hell, even I couldn't do that, and I'm not that heavy. Unfair…

"I didn't do anything!" I yelled in frustration and no small amount of panic, as I was certain that Link was silently blaming me for this latest pain in our asses. "I just _touched_ it!" My partner didn't seem to be listening. Instead, his bow was in his hand again, and even as he was dashing about, agilely leaping from side to side, to avoid the crushing path of his pursuers, he took a shot.

The arrow struck it right in the eye, but bounced away harmlessly. Regardless of the lack of penetration, it was not without effect. The monster sculpture let out a deep yelp, and froze, staying in place, but visibly trembling. In a moment, the bow was gone, and Link produced a dark brown bag of leather, and pulled out…something. It looked like a rock. With a fuse…

It came to me a moment after. A bomb. I think. And Link shoved this large explosive into its gaping mouth, and dashed away. For there was a moment of silence, before a muffled boom, and the statue began to split and crack, only to crumble away into dust. An bomb on the inside…smooth move.

Link was trying to pull his bow back out, but most of them began to go after him, seeing as he was clearly the bigger threat. Clearly. But he wasn't one to be so easily done in. He leapt onto the arm of one of the statues, and vaulted over the lot of them, landing close to me. We made eye contact, and he tossed me something. It was the brown bag of his, the one with the bombs. He nodded at the advancing foes, giving me a serious look.

I followed. Link had a hard time switching his seemingly limitless supply of equipment back and forth in the heat of battle, so he would take the bow, and I'd handle the explosives. I gave a grin, and a thumbs up, and we went to work. As he fitted an arrow, I reached into the bag, and pulled a bomb to the ready. Now, I got a real good look at it.

I was in awe to say the least. It was the classic cartoon bomb, with the lit fuse, and the round body. The kind that would always blow up, leaving the unfortunate soul holding it with a blackened face and missing teeth. I was grasping, in my very hand, a device that was perhaps legendary in terms of animated gags. Sweet. But such feelings of wonder had to be put on hold, as I needed to help Link. And also throw that bomb away before it blew my arm off.

Link had nailed one of their eyes, leaving it stunned with a dissatisfied groan. I approahced the first immobile statue, and shoved the bomb into his maw, pushing it down its stoney throat. Then I ran like mad.

BOOM! It blew like a grenade, and that sucker was history. Pebbles fell from the air, heralding its destruction. Thus began a cycle; Link dashed back and forth among them, firing his bow like a machine gun, each hit freezing yet another enemy. I was right behind, and tossed a lit bomb into their faces, and let it blow. With this collaborative effort, they were all smoking debris in a matter of minutes. The room was quite cloudy afterward, but I couldn't resist living up our victory.

"Boo Yeah! How do you like that, huh? Who's your daddy rock-men? Yeah, that's what I thought! Ha ha!" In the midst of my celebrating, there was another shaking groan, as both the iron bars and the huge stone door began to lift up, opening the path.

I joined Link, returning his bomb bag. We exchanged glances, took a deep breath, and stepped forward, entering our first temple.


	9. Traps, Puzzles, & Big Bugs

**Chapter 9:** Traps, Puzzles, & Big Bugs

There are those feelings one gets when you _know_ something bad is about to happen. That danger and unsuspecting peril is right down the road, waiting to leap out and bite your head off.

Well, I got that same feeling the moment we stepped through that giant stone door. And not just because it closed behind us and resealed with metal bars. The inside of the temple was dim, much like the outside room. Rocks, sand, and torches. And opposite of the room was another door. Also sealed by bars. How original. We advanced, down a few simple steps. And then…we were attacked…Again.

Falling from the ceiling came the biggest damn spiders I had ever seen. I mean, they were like dog size. And I'm not talking about the tiny little ones, but some serious big ones. The things were the size of a movie poster. White bodies, with eight yellowish legs, and the numerous glowing red eyes staring out at us from the gloom, their razor like mandibles clicking at us.

Now I'm no sissy, not being a typical arachnophobia, but those things did creep me out, as they came dropping from the ceiling, almost landing on us. They held themselves up, suspended on near invisible silk strands, watching us with those beady red eyes. As if this wasn't enough, the white portion of their bodies had spots of black in all the right places so they looked like big skulls leering at us. Unnerving.

Link once more displayed his total badassness, as he simply pulled out him bow, and fired. The arrow struck the spider in the body, piercing it, and the thing fell with a wail. _How many arrows does he have for that thing?_

Not one to be outdone, I pulled my sword free, being my only weapon, and swung at the dangling spider closest to me. My attempt at coolness wasn't quite so successful. There was a clank as my sword bounced off the armored hide of the arachnid, and with a shudder, the whole huge spider spun on its web, sucker-punching me in the mouth with one of those hairy legs.

I hit the stone floor hard, rubbing my face. Those legs were shrimpy, but they certainly packed a wallop. I stole a look at Link. He too had his sword out, but unlike me, he didn't strike. I watched. After a moment, the spider began to turn away, showing its stomach. Now Link moved, and took a swing. It sliced in nice and deep, and the spider quivered and fell. It started to vaporize with blue fire at once.

Now I had it. I stood up once more, this time being patient, and waited. Just as Link's had done, this one also began to spin. As it turned around, exposing its soft underbelly, I took the opportunity to try again. Success! This time I gutted the stupid thing, and it too fell from its silk thread, hitting the ground and thrashing before evaporating. The two of us became professional exterminators as we hacked our way through at least two dozen of the things. Unlike other creatures we've faced, these didn't back off when it was clear they were in for a defeat. They _fought_ to the last _man_. Sort of.

Once they were dealt with, Link began scanning around the room, looking for a way out. He glanced up towards the ceiling, and after scanning a bit, he pointed. I lifted my own eyes, and spotted a small grayish thing. A bull's-eyes by the look of it, a gray target. I guess that's what we needed to advance. How it was to work though, I couldn't say.

Link beside me put up his sword, and pulled out a…actually, come to think of it, I don't have any idea in hell what it was he pulled out of his invisible backpack. It was the tip of a spear or something set into a metal housing, with a handle for the hand. I had never seen such a device before.

Nor had I ever seen what I saw it do next. Link pointed this oddly-shaped contraption up towards the distant target, then with a clunking sound along with a deafening clatter of chain, the spear point on the end of it shot out, with a sizeable length of chain attached to it. Link's aim was right on, the point striking the target, sinking in, and then to my astonished eyes, as the chain retracted, Link's whole body was yanked up from where he stood, and was carried along for the ride.

From where I was, it was quick. One moment Link was there, then he wasn't and he was being whisked away. He went up to the target and fell, disappearing from my sights. At least until he poked out his head. There must have been a balcony or ledge hidden from the ground, and only by using the target and grappling hook thing could one reach it.

_Man,_ said I to myself, _it is lucky that he had that thing in this temple; otherwise we might have been stuck_. From above, I heard a large clunk, and suddenly the door in front of me unlocked, the bars rising, opening the way.

I could hear Link above, scuffling about or something, no doubt doing something. Then, a moment later, he came leaping back down from the ledge, which had to at least be thirty or forty feet up, and landed with the barest whisper of his boots touching the tiles. He rose, and gestured to the door before continuing on as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. But I suppose that such eccentric and bizarre behavior _was_ normal for him. Wouldn't have surprised me too much. So, naturally I followed, still very much in awe.

What followed was a series of room with numerous tricks and monsters infesting them. One room had these grinning floating skulls, covered in a blue fire, zooming about, laughing as they moved, trying to fly into us. One of them dropped a key when it was dispatched, a small silver one that conveniently unlocked the door opposite of the entrance, which had been bound with thick chains.

After that came a room with no floor. There were merely pillars scattered about, sticking out of an endless chasm. What followed here was Link and I playing a very rousing game of Jumping Between Pillars Over The Endless Black Void Of Death. Fun fun. Oh, and if this wasn't already darling enough, but these things that looked like spiked depth charges were hanging from the ceiling by chains. And when you touch them…guess what? They blow up! Hah ha! This is so enjoyable I can hardly stand it…

Then we passed through a room that was full of more of those moving statue things. As before we blew them to pieces with our clever strategy, and again, their defeat rewarded us by allowing us even deeper into the next room of this charming place.

Now we entered a room with nothing in it. It was bare, no enemies, no torches, just a dim room, one door leading out. Barred of course. But…

There was a big something sitting smack dab in the middle of the room. It was square, blue, and it was sticking up. We crept into the room, looking about carefully, waiting for an ambush. Nothing presented itself. So we stepped out and investigated the block. It looked to be a giant button with a symbol painted across it.

Link stepped up, and placed a foot on top of it and pressed down. It depressed, and across the room there was a grind as the bars to the only other door in the room slid open, allowing one to continue. But the moment Link took his foot away, the button popped back up, and the bars returned, blocking entry.

His face contorted, as he was clearly thinking things through. Then, he gestured to me, then to the button, silently instructing me to stand on it. Sure, why not? I pressed it down, and once again the door across the way opened up. Link started to the door, so naturally I followed. And again, the door snapped shut. Link glanced back, then gestured to the button thing again, his expression calm. I finally saw where he was going with his nonverbal directions.

"Wait, you want me to say here by myself while you go on ahead?"

He nodded.

"So what am I suppose to do then? Just sit here until you come back to pick me up? What if I get attacked? What if the walls start closing together like a huge trash compactor?"

His answer was predictable. He shrugged…what else. I had a hunch that if I kept yelling and complaining, it wouldn't have made any difference. He was still going.

Thus, with an exasperated sigh, and waving him on, I stood atop the button. With a nod and a casual parting wave, Link went through the door. I waited a moment, then made a wild dash, hoping to follow. Nope, the door resealed the second I moved. I was stuck, and alone. Great.

I stood, waiting. I don't know why exactly. There was no way for Link to come back; the only way out of the room was the way we had come in, and the barred exit kinda made that difficult. But still I waited, twiddling my thumbs like an idiot. Literally twiddling my thumbs too. Lame I know. I mean, who twiddles their thumbs in this day and age? Honestly. But what else could I do?

So, whilst I was absorbed in my twiddling, I failed to notice that I wasn't alone anymore. There were numerous loud thumps around me, and when I turned around, I was really tempted to sigh with exasperation. I was being attacked. What fun.

They were huge bug things, as wide and as big as a coffee table, with four long yellow hairy legs, and one big eye in the center of their flat bodies. They came in two different shades of colors, some cerulean and the others scarlet. And my, were there a _lot_ of them. Easily a dozen came falling from the ceiling, landing around me, and they began to hop about. Oh yes…hop. These bugs didn't skitter, they didn't crawl or ooze, they leapt about like jackrabbits, taking mighty bounds at least four feet into the air, and landing with a thud. I was surrounded in an instant, these things circling before one or more would leap at me.

"Oh, you're kidding me…"

I ducked; I dodged and twisted out of the way, getting body-slammed more than a few times. Link was still gone, so I knew if I didn't want to get my ass kicked, I'd have to take them down myself. I drew my sword, and pulled up my shield to guard.

"Alright, you oversized cockroaches! Come on, who wants some of this?" Apparently, they all did. One jumped at me, and bounced off my shield. As if fell back to the ground, I dove forward, and plunged the sword into its head-like area. It squealed and jumped away, wounded but not quite dead. Another came in from behind, and so I hit the floor. As if passed overhead, I took a slice. Again, I wounded it, but it didn't die.

_These things are tougher than the others_, I said to myself. I had to steel myself for a real fight. Of course, giant creepy bugs aside, these insects weren't nearly as intimidating as say those Moblin things or even the walking skeletons. But they certainly weren't as easy to dispatch. But I kept trying.

I slashed and hacked, I poked and stabbed, I tried every sort of maneuver that seemed right with the sword. Minus the ones that could perhaps take my legs off if I was careless. Finally, one of them flipped onto their back, letting off this low but exceedingly long wail. This was followed by its whole body shattering into little pieces, and the little pieces began to burn away.

That was one down, but there were still plenty more. And they began to grow fiercer in their attacks, leaping higher than ever, circling around me, closing in. I tried to hit them, but they were dodging out of range. I kept trying to no avail. Things were starting to look grim for the dashing hero…

Suddenly, from across the room, there was a loud explosion, as one of the walls to the room blew up in a shower of stone shrapnel. As the dust cleared, Link came flying into the fray, sword out, and with a giant leap, came down on top of one of the bug things, stabbing it straight through, before slashing at the next.

With renewed purpose, I redoubled my efforts in this latest battle, and went on the attack. With the blast, it seemed to disrupt their maneuvers and concentration, for they were all but standing around and didn't offer much resistance. With our combined might, we won the day. Not a bug thing was left standing, and there were three blue gems and two green ones to show for it.

Though I was happy to see Link, I was also still rather…upset about him going off on his own.

"Where the hell were you?" I shouted, running up to him, and waving my arms about in a half-panicked frenzy, "I was getting hammered by these things here, while you were taking a picnic or whatever! What were you doing for so long?"

He didn't answer…obviously, but instead lifted up a piece of tattered paper, rolled up neatly, and offered it to me. I took it, unrolled it and studied what was printed on it. I may not have been the sharpest tack, but I could tell a map when I saw one. But not the kind of geography maps found in Social Studies textbooks. More like the ancient pirate treasure maps, drawn with ink, scribbling lines, dots, and X's…all that stuff.

"Okay," I said allowed, "I'm not following…You're looking for buried treasure or what?" He shook his head, then pointed to the map. His finger was gesturing to a room, depicted by a large square, with two little doors going in or out. Then he waved a hand at the room around us. It was square, and only two doorways. Minus the third one Link had blown into existence. It dawned on me at long last.

"Oh, so this is a map of this place? To find the crystal thing?" He nodded. With that realization, I felt better. Not knowing where you are going is unsettling somewhat, one might unknowingly wander into a huge bottomless pit, falling in, never to get out. And before someone scoffs about my fears, need I remind you that we've already past a few of those already, holes that lead off into nothingness. _Shudder._

"Alright…well, do you know how to read this thing?" Link nodded, took back the map, and motioned me to follow. We went the way he had come, through the collapsed portion of the wall.

"Something tells me," I said aloud as we pressed on, "That I haven't even come across the worst part of this place yet."


End file.
